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amnosxmatsujunPairing: Sakurai Sho x Fictional Female (Reader) *see note below
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.10
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 4,544
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Chapter Ten: The Night of Firsts
"Where are we...?"
"At my place," he replied casually.
The car came to a stop inside a garage. 34 had finished his shift at Akatsuki and had driven me to an unfamiliar location. We didn't converse much during the drive, although he had looked my way a few times and smiled to reassure that he wasn't upset anymore. Yet again, I had no idea where the night was taking me. Until now.
"What?!" I exclaimed a little too loudly. Even a sexually inexperienced girl like I could deduce what this meant.
34 gave me a suspicious smile. "Expecting something?"
I could feel the embarrassment showing in my cheeks. "N-No...!" I regretted immediately that my mind even thought to wander in that territory.
He chuckled through his nose and removed the keys from the vehicle. As usual, he had an air of confidence, an attractive assertiveness in his mannerisms. After releasing his seatbelt buckle, he opened the car door and stepped out. Completely shocked, I sat there in the passenger's seat, unable to move. What do I do? All this time, I had flirted with indecent thoughts about him, all those opportunities lost. And yet, at the mere thought that perhaps tonight was the night, my body froze, my mind shivering at the possibility.
Knock, knock.
I heard his knuckles hit the passenger seat window. He looked at me as if to say, "I'm waiting." My fidgety hands managed to unbuckle the seatbelt. One, deep breath later, I opened the door.
"As an apology for making you wait in the car," he said, "I want to invite you to my humble abode."
"...U-Uh..." I stammered. This is no consolation, I answered in my head. Although he had visited my place several times, this was not the same. I felt weak from the nervousness and the palms of my hands felt extra clammy.
He led the way to an elevator that was located at the corner of the garage. After using a card key to unlock it, he pressed the button for the top-most floor: 30. The elevator glided swiftly upward, and within seconds, we had reached his floor.
"After you," 34 held the door with one hand and showed the way out with the other.
I stepped out, jaw dropping with every step I took. The building where he lived was one of those high-end apartments, housing one occupant per floor. In my peripheral vision, I could see him crossing his arms amused, watching me struck with awe. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, I mean, he is the #1 host at Akatsuki, after all. Still, I couldn't hide my amazement.
"You live HERE?" I turned around to face him.
"Mm-hmm." His replies were as causal as ever. He inserted a dimple key into the door, took the handle, and opened it.
He turned on the entrance light. Inside, I could see a minimalistic living room. It almost seemed like no one lived here, a well-furnished room without much wear and tear. Everything from the flooring to the lighting seemed strictly practical, without much personality of which to speak. For some reason, I felt a stinging in my nostrils. Somehow, it pained me to see his lonely apartment. I wondered if he spent much time here at all.
"Make yourself at home," he said as he motioned his hand toward the living room. He took out a pair of generic slippers and placed them at my feet.
I'm at 34's place...
My feet hesitated at the realization and again, I froze. Without a worry, 34 walked in and made his way down the hallway. Noticing he didn't hear footsteps behind him, he turned around and let out a chuckle.
"Are we going to spend the rest of the night standing at the door?" His smile was inviting. "Don't be shy."
I slowly took off my shoes and made an awkward entrance. The slippers were slightly too big for me as they flopped beneath my feet. I took in my surroundings. There was a TV mounted along one of the walls, a large, ivory couch facing it, a glass-top coffee table, and underneath it, a checkered rug and some books. The walls were totally bare, save for one photograph. Thinking it would be a good idea to busy myself, I walked toward it.
It was a simple photo of what looked like a study. There were books lining the walls, and a desk with piles of papers. A single daisy adorned the center and gave color and brightness to an otherwise trite backdrop.
“Like it?” He peeked out of the kitchen to check in on me.
I looked his way. “It’s lovely. Simple, but tasteful.”
“My mom took that one,” he smiled.
“Oh, wow…” I turned around to look at the photo once more. With my aesthetic knowledge limited to hairstyles, I wondered what her intent was when she took this shot. Artists always have intent, I believed. Nothing is worth creating or capturing if there was no intent behind it. I stared at the daisy standing tall in its vase and pictured a strong woman.
"Is green tea okay with you?" 34 returned to the living room. “I’d make you a Sidecar but I don’t have any orange liqueur.”
"Tea’s great."
Finding the couch behind me, I walked over and sat at one end. Though I was far from feeling “at home,” I tried my best to look comfortable. Soon, he joined me in the living room with a teapot and two teacups.
"I don't like it when my guests are nervous." He poured tea into one cup and slid it in front of me. “My profession won’t allow it.”
Well, looks like he saw right through that façade. "...I can't help it," I confessed. "I didn't think I'd end up here tonight."
"I didn't think I'd get punched in the face tonight, either," he joked.
I sighed. "I'm really sorry about that. Honestly, I don't know why you put up with me after that."
He took a sip of his tea and placed the cup back on the coffee table. "I already told you why."
My mind thought back to the events in his car. Though I had seen a vulnerable side of him, I was still unsure what to make of it all. But seeing him now, after all that had happened and all that he's done for me, I couldn't differentiate between my romantic feelings for him and the gratitude in my heart. I knew that if I didn’t say anything, we could go on this way, just being together and enjoying each other’s company. But if I didn’t confront my feelings, if I didn’t take this chance to tell him how I truly felt, I would regret missing the opportunity. We could continue expressing lukewarm feelings for each other and pretend like the sparks don’t exist, or I could point to the elephant in the room and risk losing he who had become so dear to me.
“Hey, 34…”
“Hm?” His eyebrows perked up and his inquisitive eyes met my gaze. But, sensing anxiety on my face, he immediately quieted me. “If what you’re trying to do is ask me to be your boyfriend, I’m going to stop you right there.”
I stared blankly into his eyes. As usual, his guessing game was on point. Yes, in fact, that is what I wanted to ask, but now, I had another question on my mind.
“Why do you deliberately avoid this topic?”
“Look, I’m flattered. But you’d be better off being with someone who could make you happy.” He crossed his legs and looked away.
“He said he was flattered, but that I’d be better off dating someone who could make me happy.”
The conversation I had with Maki crossed my mind. I could make out the pain that sometimes surfaced in his downcast eyes. He was hiding something, and though I was never one to pry, I needed to hear an explanation from the source himself.
“34, I—”
“Maybe I should take you home for the night,” he interrupted curtly.
I furrowed my eyebrows, a little hurt by his words. This may be my last chance. I couldn’t remain silenced. Determined, I opened my mouth to speak.
“Why do you think you’re incapable of making someone happy?” The feelings came pouring out. “You frustrate me, too, you know. You know so much about me, and yet, I barely know anything about you. When I’m with you, it’s one surprise after another, and yet, when we’re apart, all I want is to see you again. Doesn’t that count for something?” I shut my eyes tightly in fear of his reaction. It was quiet for a while.
“Open your eyes.” His voice was almost a whisper.
I did as I was told. I expected a sigh of disapproval, maybe an “I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” Instead, he moved closer to me and was slow to speak. His eyes fluttered ever so slightly.
“Could you promise me something?”
“E-Excuse me?” I looked back bewildered.
“Would you?” He asked once more.
His question lacked his usual persuasiveness and gave me more freedom to make my own decision. Strangely enough, when given more autonomy, I didn’t know what to do with it. I almost wished he would demand that of me. His question came with no clarifying clause, leaving everything up to the imagination. I didn’t like breaking promises; somehow, his gaze told me that he already knew that about me.
“…Yes,” I answered firmly, albeit almost inaudibly.
“Once you decide, you can’t take it back,” he warned. “You’re still ashore, if you want to run.”
I clenched my jaw for a moment and gulped. “What do you mean?”
“Do you really want to be with me?” He grazed his lips with his thumb.
My heartrate accelerated with every passing second as adrenaline rushed through my veins. “I do,” I replied affirmatively.
“If it’s happiness you want, you should be looking elsewhere.” His eyes locked gazes with the target and didn’t let go.
“How could you be so sure?” I could hear my breathing becoming unsteady.
“Because I’ve ruined lives in the past.” His gaze was piercing and intense, his voice low and coarse.
I tried intently to not look away. The corners of my eyes were beginning to burn. “Isn’t happiness subjective?” I challenged.
“Are you willing to make the promise? To trust me even when I don’t trust myself?” He leaned in and stopped centimeters away from my face.
“If that’s the promise you want me to make, you should know I’ve already made it.” I trusted you the moment your drink touched my lips.
He sighed and his breath hit my lips. My face burned from the blood rushing there, and my breathing had become noticeably audible. As I waited for his reply, I felt something warm hit my forehead. He leaned his against mine, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed.
“I really don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly. “I can’t live with that.”
In that moment, something clicked. Had he been avoiding closeness for fear of hurting me? Did he deny us dating because he believed he couldn’t make me happy? Was he warning me in an effort to save me from him?
“I need you to take responsibility,” I whispered. “For making me fall in love with you.”
His hand gently caressed my cheek, tickling my skin. The palm of his hand cupped my jawline and remained there. “You won’t regret it?”
I shook my head. “I trust you.”
A soft kiss landed on my lips and lingered there for a brief moment. He released his hand from my cheek and sat up straight. Time seemed to stand still for a good minute as we just gazed into each other’s eyes.
“…W…hat is it?” I broke the silence, voice slightly shaking.
“I can finally say it.” His stiff expression melted into a gentle smile.
I tilted my head in confusion.
“I think I’m in love with you, Kokoro-san.”
What…?
What did you just say?
And did you just call me by my real name?
“Call me old-fashioned, but there’s an order to everything.” He picked up his tea again and took a sip.
Wide-eyed and surprised at the turn of events, I looked away, blushing.
“I hope you wouldn’t be averse to the idea of being my girlfriend?” Though I was looking away, I could feel his eyes on me.
My heart nearly sprung out of my chest. Is he serious?
“You’re unfair…” I mumbled.
“And how so?” His voice was gentle with a hint of playfulness.
“You already know the answer to that question,” I pouted.
“Yeah, but it’s the man’s job to ask,” he clarified. “So?” He waited patiently for my response.
“You jerk…” I curled my arms around his neck and snuggled my face in his neck.
I felt his chest move with the sound of a chuckle. “I’ll take that.”
When I let go, he had a grin on his face. I couldn’t help but return the expression, though I was much too shy to look him in the eyes.
“It’s getting late.” He looked at his watch. “I can take you home.”
I bit my lips and my eyes shuffled uncomfortably. “I don’t want to go home tonight…” My fingers found his jacket sleeve and held on tight.
He didn’t move for a few moments. I continued to stare down at his sleeve, holding on tightly.
“I’ll let you stay on one condition.”
“What is it?” I looked up.
“Call me by my first name.” His gaze was kind and warm, but the corners of his mouth curled in anticipation.
“W-What…” I was completely taken aback.
“It’s a little strange if my girlfriend can’t call me by my real name, don’t you think?” His eyes glimmered teasingly.
“T-That’s not nice!” I pouted. My girlfriend. Did he just call me his girlfriend…?
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice I called you by yours,” he crossed his arms.
What a dilemma. I could let my pride and embarrassment keep me from uttering his name and be sent home, or I could bite the bullet and enjoy the reward of getting to stay.
“...S…S…Sh…S……”
He looked at me with an amused smirk on his face. “I’m waiting.”
I glared back. “Hold on! I’m trying, give me a second.” I took a deep breath.
He seemed to be enjoying me struggle. As he took another sip of his tea, his smirk widened.
“…S…Sh…o…san.” It felt as if I were wringing out all the air in my lungs.
Looking satisfied, he put his cup down and with the same hand, pat the top of my head. “I’ll give you a B-.”
I sighed in relief and brought my hands to my chest.
“You want to take a bath?” he asked.
There he goes again, leaving me lingering on previous thoughts while he enjoys a new conversation topic.
“S-Sure…” It was clear that I wasn’t used to this. I crossed my arms nervously.
“Bathroom’s down that hallway, to your left,” he pointed. “Clean towels are in the cabinets above the washer.”
“Thanks…” I scratched the side of my head and stood up. “Wait!” I realized something critical. “I don’t have any change of clothes…” I laughed awkwardly.
“I’ll get you something,” he replied casually. “And don’t worry; I won’t withhold it like you did with me.” He raised his eyebrows as if to remind me.
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I pouted at him, but waited patiently for him to bring me some clothes.
“Try those.” His clothes fell into my hands.
“…Thanks,” I managed to say before closing the door behind me.
Phew. I let out a long exhale and looked around. Like his living room, his bathroom was also of a modern minimalistic taste. The porcelain of the sink was impeccably clean, and a single toothbrush stood in its stand. Curiosity killed the cat, they say, but luckily, I’m no cat. My hands reached for the sink cabinet and opened them. Aside from a spare tube of toothpaste, dental floss, aftershave, and cologne, it was quite bare. Inquisitive fingers grabbed a hold of his cologne. I uncapped the top and brought it to my nose. The aroma sent shivers down my spine and my mind filled with thoughts of him. Mmm… I carefully placed the cap back on the bottle, set it back where it was, and closed the cabinet doors.
I stood there grinning to myself like an idiot as reality set in. Usually, that involved a lot of sighs and groans. But now? Reality seemed much too alluring to be true. You have a boyfriend, Kokoro. And he’s outside waiting for you. The #1 host of Akatsuki is off the market, ladies! I felt a little guilty thinking that way, but I couldn’t help it. The reflection in the mirror smiled back at me, and she looked incredibly happy. So don’t you tell me you’re incapable of making someone happy.
--
The bath water felt great and relaxed my nerves. I stepped out to dry off, and suddenly began to worry about insignificant things. Shoot. Thinking I was only seeing Ryota tonight, I had chosen my boring, beige-colored granny panties. My bra was also an eyesore. I debated whether to wear them at all, but then the rational side of me pulled my head out of cloud nine. Was my worrying all for nothing? What if he didn’t want to? But, the devil usually has a voice. The setting is perfect; why wouldn’t he want to? I shook my head of both thoughts.
Better safe than sorry. I put my undergarments back on, then tried on his t-shirt. The sleeves slacked halfway down my biceps and the hem hung just below my butt. I wasn’t swimming in it, but it was obvious this shirt belonged to a man. Though it was only a piece of fabric, I felt safe wearing it. His pajama pants, on the other hand, were a lot harder to keep in place. The elastic waistband sagged and caught at my hipbones and my feet were completely hidden underneath the loose fabric that gathered at the floor. It looked silly, but I figured it wouldn’t be too awkward if I cover it with the t-shirt. I chuckled to myself and, after checking to make sure I was presentable, I opened the door to join him back in the living room.
“Thanks, I’m done, if you want to go in.” I shifted my feet across the wooden flooring.
He looked my direction and took it all in. Then, he burst into laughter. “You look pretty ridiculous right now.”
I puffed my cheeks. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“No, you don’t.” He got up, walked over, and stood in front of me. “You’re my first.”
“What, the first woman to look this comical in your clothes?” I narrowed my eyes. He was full of sweet nothings like that, but I’ve gotten better at seeing through them.
He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look like I had guessed right. “You’re not wrong,” he said impressed. “But not fully right, either.”
“Fine, the first woman to look so absolutely ridiculous in your clothes,” I reworded my thoughts.
“Hm…” He leaned forward, bowing to meet my eyelevel. “You are the first woman to look this comical in my clothes.” Then, he gave me a smile. “But I don’t have a comparison, so who really knows?” He stood back upright and hummed some tune as he walked passed me. I heard the bathroom door close.
The honeyed air was almost suffocating. How stupid of me to think I had him all figured out. I always knew that he had a way of making me feel special. But now, I also knew that his endearing words and caring actions were exclusive, that I was the object of his affection. Feeling weak in the knees, I had to sit down. My toes curled happily as I looked back at the bathroom door.
--
It wasn’t long before he came out of the bathroom. Unlike last time, he was fully clothed but had a towel around his neck to catch the drops of water falling from his hair. Upon seeing me, he stifled a laugh.
“Still funny to you, huh?” I crossed my arms.
“Yeah, kinda.” He dried his head with the towel, and his disheveled hair made him look extra sexy. I was falling for his charm again, but this time, I didn’t have to fight it.
“34…”
“Oh, do you suddenly want to go home?” He licked his lips teasingly. “That’s not my name.”
I sighed defeated. “Sh…o-san.”
“Hm?” He smiled invitingly. “I’m listening.”
“…Nothing.” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It was much too embarrassing.
He joined me on the couch. “You’re not a very good liar.”
The scent of his shampoo tickled my nose. He stuck his full lips out just a little in protest. And that’s all it took; I was starting to feel dizzy.
“N-Now that we’re dating…” I strung together some ambiguous words.
His hand combed through my hair and found a resting place at the nape of my neck. “Mm-hmm?”
“So… that means…” A tingling sensation traveled down my spine as I felt his warmth at my neck.
His other arm curled behind my waist and pulled me closer. I could now feel the heat from his body. “That means…?”
You tease.
You know exactly what I want to say.
“…You and I...” I closed my eyes. My head was spinning.
He leaned in and nudged the corner of my mouth with his nose. “What about us?” His hot breath flirted with my collarbones.
I gulped and tried to calm my racing heart. “I want you.”
A satisfied smirk crossed his face. Then, his nose continued its way down my neck. “I see.”
“Mm…” My shoulders tensed at the sensation.
But as soon as I had felt it, he pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Are you okay?” Without saying another word, he reminded me of what had happened earlier tonight.
“I am,” I reassured. My eyes pleaded for him to go on.
Instead, he took my hand and stood up. I followed his lead down the hallway and found myself in his bedroom. He turned the lights on but dimmed them just a bit, then pulled me toward the bed. He waited for me to situate myself, then lied down beside me.
“Close your eyes.” His voice was raspy and alluring.
I didn’t put up a fight.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“I do,” I replied, eyes still closed.
With that, I felt his hand move up toward my face. Although I knew that he wasn’t touching me, I had a strange sensation that he was. Was it just my imagination? I slowly exhaled. The sensation traveled down over my nose, across my cheeks, and lingered at my lips. It felt like electricity was releasing from his fingers. I parted my lips a little and exhaled out of my mouth.
“Sho…san?” A breathy name escaped my teeth.
“Hm?”
“…What are you doing?”
“Do you trust me?” he repeated his earlier question.
“I do,” I said again.
“Then, relax.” His lips were millimeters away from my ears, and my body twitched in surprise.
“O-Okay…” Inhaling deeply, I gave him control.
The sensation that had lingered at my lips continued its journey down, tickling my neck and collarbones.
“…Mm.”
Though fully clothed, I could feel his fingers hovering over my chest, then my stomach. As his hand traveled farther down, I anticipated the sensation between my legs… but it didn’t come. Instead, I felt tingling along my calves and thighs, and I knew he had moved there.
Whatever he was doing, it was magic. Soon, my breathing sped up as my lungs hungered for more air. Seeing this, he paused and placed his hands at my ear. I shivered at his touch and realized that everything up to this point had been in my mind.
“How are you feeling?” he asked sweetly.
“…I d-don’t know,” I said between gasps. “It… feels amazing.”
“Good,” he replied as he slowly removed his hand from my ear.
He then placed his four fingers at the top of my forehead, or so I thought. My mind was having trouble comprehending the situation, but it was clear my body was enjoying it. There was dampness between my thighs and my breathing was out of control. His fingers drew a straight line down my face, down the arch of my nose, my parted lips, over my neck, between my collarbones and breasts.
“Aah…”
They then traced over my belly button and caressed my inner thighs. My reflexes jolted to clamp my legs together, but as soon as I loosened my muscles, his fingers teased again.
“Nngh…ahh.” Words were impossible. I let my desires out in moans.
All of a sudden, I felt my body stiffen up, toes curling as my back arched.
“Mmm…aah…!”
My chest rose up and down as I gasped for air, and the rest of my body twitched in ecstasy. It was no surprise what had just happened, but it was certainly the first time I had been fulfilled in such a way. As I lied there completely spent, I felt his fingers part mine and hold my hand.
“How was that?” His honeyed voice echoed in my ears.
It took me several moments before I could answer him. Eyes still closed, I managed to reply, “Incredible.”
“You can open your eyes now, if you want.”
With his invitation, I slowly open them. The dim lights stared back at me.
I heard him move beside me. He bent his arm and using his elbow as support, rested his head on his hand. “Look at me,” he said.
I turned my head to find him there, smiling gently at me. He let go of my hand and moved his up to my face. After tracing my jawline, he rested it at my cheek.
“I want you to know something.”
“Hm…?” I replied faintly.
“Women aren’t mere objects of a man’s fancy.”
I stared into his beautifully sincere eyes.
“But we are men, and any of us are capable of erring.”
I immediately recalled the terror that accompanied Ryota’s earlier assault. I realized that what had just happened was Sho-san’s way of proving an important point.
“Kokoro-san.”
My eyes began to water at the realization. I tried to fight it, but resistance was futile. “…Yes?”
The hand at my cheek caught the tear and wiped it away. “I want to prove to you that there are still good men out there.”
I pursed my lips and a few more tears fell from my eyes.
“You’re my first.” His fingers combed through my hair.
I sniffled and gazed longingly at him.
“You’re the first woman who’s made me feel like I deserve to be happy.”
His soft lips gently kissed my eyes. I turned my body toward him and held him tightly. You have no idea how strongly I wish for your happiness, too.
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.10
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 4,544
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Chapter Ten: The Night of Firsts
"Where are we...?"
"At my place," he replied casually.
The car came to a stop inside a garage. 34 had finished his shift at Akatsuki and had driven me to an unfamiliar location. We didn't converse much during the drive, although he had looked my way a few times and smiled to reassure that he wasn't upset anymore. Yet again, I had no idea where the night was taking me. Until now.
"What?!" I exclaimed a little too loudly. Even a sexually inexperienced girl like I could deduce what this meant.
34 gave me a suspicious smile. "Expecting something?"
I could feel the embarrassment showing in my cheeks. "N-No...!" I regretted immediately that my mind even thought to wander in that territory.
He chuckled through his nose and removed the keys from the vehicle. As usual, he had an air of confidence, an attractive assertiveness in his mannerisms. After releasing his seatbelt buckle, he opened the car door and stepped out. Completely shocked, I sat there in the passenger's seat, unable to move. What do I do? All this time, I had flirted with indecent thoughts about him, all those opportunities lost. And yet, at the mere thought that perhaps tonight was the night, my body froze, my mind shivering at the possibility.
Knock, knock.
I heard his knuckles hit the passenger seat window. He looked at me as if to say, "I'm waiting." My fidgety hands managed to unbuckle the seatbelt. One, deep breath later, I opened the door.
"As an apology for making you wait in the car," he said, "I want to invite you to my humble abode."
"...U-Uh..." I stammered. This is no consolation, I answered in my head. Although he had visited my place several times, this was not the same. I felt weak from the nervousness and the palms of my hands felt extra clammy.
He led the way to an elevator that was located at the corner of the garage. After using a card key to unlock it, he pressed the button for the top-most floor: 30. The elevator glided swiftly upward, and within seconds, we had reached his floor.
"After you," 34 held the door with one hand and showed the way out with the other.
I stepped out, jaw dropping with every step I took. The building where he lived was one of those high-end apartments, housing one occupant per floor. In my peripheral vision, I could see him crossing his arms amused, watching me struck with awe. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, I mean, he is the #1 host at Akatsuki, after all. Still, I couldn't hide my amazement.
"You live HERE?" I turned around to face him.
"Mm-hmm." His replies were as causal as ever. He inserted a dimple key into the door, took the handle, and opened it.
He turned on the entrance light. Inside, I could see a minimalistic living room. It almost seemed like no one lived here, a well-furnished room without much wear and tear. Everything from the flooring to the lighting seemed strictly practical, without much personality of which to speak. For some reason, I felt a stinging in my nostrils. Somehow, it pained me to see his lonely apartment. I wondered if he spent much time here at all.
"Make yourself at home," he said as he motioned his hand toward the living room. He took out a pair of generic slippers and placed them at my feet.
I'm at 34's place...
My feet hesitated at the realization and again, I froze. Without a worry, 34 walked in and made his way down the hallway. Noticing he didn't hear footsteps behind him, he turned around and let out a chuckle.
"Are we going to spend the rest of the night standing at the door?" His smile was inviting. "Don't be shy."
I slowly took off my shoes and made an awkward entrance. The slippers were slightly too big for me as they flopped beneath my feet. I took in my surroundings. There was a TV mounted along one of the walls, a large, ivory couch facing it, a glass-top coffee table, and underneath it, a checkered rug and some books. The walls were totally bare, save for one photograph. Thinking it would be a good idea to busy myself, I walked toward it.
It was a simple photo of what looked like a study. There were books lining the walls, and a desk with piles of papers. A single daisy adorned the center and gave color and brightness to an otherwise trite backdrop.
“Like it?” He peeked out of the kitchen to check in on me.
I looked his way. “It’s lovely. Simple, but tasteful.”
“My mom took that one,” he smiled.
“Oh, wow…” I turned around to look at the photo once more. With my aesthetic knowledge limited to hairstyles, I wondered what her intent was when she took this shot. Artists always have intent, I believed. Nothing is worth creating or capturing if there was no intent behind it. I stared at the daisy standing tall in its vase and pictured a strong woman.
"Is green tea okay with you?" 34 returned to the living room. “I’d make you a Sidecar but I don’t have any orange liqueur.”
"Tea’s great."
Finding the couch behind me, I walked over and sat at one end. Though I was far from feeling “at home,” I tried my best to look comfortable. Soon, he joined me in the living room with a teapot and two teacups.
"I don't like it when my guests are nervous." He poured tea into one cup and slid it in front of me. “My profession won’t allow it.”
Well, looks like he saw right through that façade. "...I can't help it," I confessed. "I didn't think I'd end up here tonight."
"I didn't think I'd get punched in the face tonight, either," he joked.
I sighed. "I'm really sorry about that. Honestly, I don't know why you put up with me after that."
He took a sip of his tea and placed the cup back on the coffee table. "I already told you why."
My mind thought back to the events in his car. Though I had seen a vulnerable side of him, I was still unsure what to make of it all. But seeing him now, after all that had happened and all that he's done for me, I couldn't differentiate between my romantic feelings for him and the gratitude in my heart. I knew that if I didn’t say anything, we could go on this way, just being together and enjoying each other’s company. But if I didn’t confront my feelings, if I didn’t take this chance to tell him how I truly felt, I would regret missing the opportunity. We could continue expressing lukewarm feelings for each other and pretend like the sparks don’t exist, or I could point to the elephant in the room and risk losing he who had become so dear to me.
“Hey, 34…”
“Hm?” His eyebrows perked up and his inquisitive eyes met my gaze. But, sensing anxiety on my face, he immediately quieted me. “If what you’re trying to do is ask me to be your boyfriend, I’m going to stop you right there.”
I stared blankly into his eyes. As usual, his guessing game was on point. Yes, in fact, that is what I wanted to ask, but now, I had another question on my mind.
“Why do you deliberately avoid this topic?”
“Look, I’m flattered. But you’d be better off being with someone who could make you happy.” He crossed his legs and looked away.
“He said he was flattered, but that I’d be better off dating someone who could make me happy.”
The conversation I had with Maki crossed my mind. I could make out the pain that sometimes surfaced in his downcast eyes. He was hiding something, and though I was never one to pry, I needed to hear an explanation from the source himself.
“34, I—”
“Maybe I should take you home for the night,” he interrupted curtly.
I furrowed my eyebrows, a little hurt by his words. This may be my last chance. I couldn’t remain silenced. Determined, I opened my mouth to speak.
“Why do you think you’re incapable of making someone happy?” The feelings came pouring out. “You frustrate me, too, you know. You know so much about me, and yet, I barely know anything about you. When I’m with you, it’s one surprise after another, and yet, when we’re apart, all I want is to see you again. Doesn’t that count for something?” I shut my eyes tightly in fear of his reaction. It was quiet for a while.
“Open your eyes.” His voice was almost a whisper.
I did as I was told. I expected a sigh of disapproval, maybe an “I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” Instead, he moved closer to me and was slow to speak. His eyes fluttered ever so slightly.
“Could you promise me something?”
“E-Excuse me?” I looked back bewildered.
“Would you?” He asked once more.
His question lacked his usual persuasiveness and gave me more freedom to make my own decision. Strangely enough, when given more autonomy, I didn’t know what to do with it. I almost wished he would demand that of me. His question came with no clarifying clause, leaving everything up to the imagination. I didn’t like breaking promises; somehow, his gaze told me that he already knew that about me.
“…Yes,” I answered firmly, albeit almost inaudibly.
“Once you decide, you can’t take it back,” he warned. “You’re still ashore, if you want to run.”
I clenched my jaw for a moment and gulped. “What do you mean?”
“Do you really want to be with me?” He grazed his lips with his thumb.
My heartrate accelerated with every passing second as adrenaline rushed through my veins. “I do,” I replied affirmatively.
“If it’s happiness you want, you should be looking elsewhere.” His eyes locked gazes with the target and didn’t let go.
“How could you be so sure?” I could hear my breathing becoming unsteady.
“Because I’ve ruined lives in the past.” His gaze was piercing and intense, his voice low and coarse.
I tried intently to not look away. The corners of my eyes were beginning to burn. “Isn’t happiness subjective?” I challenged.
“Are you willing to make the promise? To trust me even when I don’t trust myself?” He leaned in and stopped centimeters away from my face.
“If that’s the promise you want me to make, you should know I’ve already made it.” I trusted you the moment your drink touched my lips.
He sighed and his breath hit my lips. My face burned from the blood rushing there, and my breathing had become noticeably audible. As I waited for his reply, I felt something warm hit my forehead. He leaned his against mine, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed.
“I really don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly. “I can’t live with that.”
In that moment, something clicked. Had he been avoiding closeness for fear of hurting me? Did he deny us dating because he believed he couldn’t make me happy? Was he warning me in an effort to save me from him?
“I need you to take responsibility,” I whispered. “For making me fall in love with you.”
His hand gently caressed my cheek, tickling my skin. The palm of his hand cupped my jawline and remained there. “You won’t regret it?”
I shook my head. “I trust you.”
A soft kiss landed on my lips and lingered there for a brief moment. He released his hand from my cheek and sat up straight. Time seemed to stand still for a good minute as we just gazed into each other’s eyes.
“…W…hat is it?” I broke the silence, voice slightly shaking.
“I can finally say it.” His stiff expression melted into a gentle smile.
I tilted my head in confusion.
“I think I’m in love with you, Kokoro-san.”
What…?
What did you just say?
And did you just call me by my real name?
“Call me old-fashioned, but there’s an order to everything.” He picked up his tea again and took a sip.
Wide-eyed and surprised at the turn of events, I looked away, blushing.
“I hope you wouldn’t be averse to the idea of being my girlfriend?” Though I was looking away, I could feel his eyes on me.
My heart nearly sprung out of my chest. Is he serious?
“You’re unfair…” I mumbled.
“And how so?” His voice was gentle with a hint of playfulness.
“You already know the answer to that question,” I pouted.
“Yeah, but it’s the man’s job to ask,” he clarified. “So?” He waited patiently for my response.
“You jerk…” I curled my arms around his neck and snuggled my face in his neck.
I felt his chest move with the sound of a chuckle. “I’ll take that.”
When I let go, he had a grin on his face. I couldn’t help but return the expression, though I was much too shy to look him in the eyes.
“It’s getting late.” He looked at his watch. “I can take you home.”
I bit my lips and my eyes shuffled uncomfortably. “I don’t want to go home tonight…” My fingers found his jacket sleeve and held on tight.
He didn’t move for a few moments. I continued to stare down at his sleeve, holding on tightly.
“I’ll let you stay on one condition.”
“What is it?” I looked up.
“Call me by my first name.” His gaze was kind and warm, but the corners of his mouth curled in anticipation.
“W-What…” I was completely taken aback.
“It’s a little strange if my girlfriend can’t call me by my real name, don’t you think?” His eyes glimmered teasingly.
“T-That’s not nice!” I pouted. My girlfriend. Did he just call me his girlfriend…?
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice I called you by yours,” he crossed his arms.
What a dilemma. I could let my pride and embarrassment keep me from uttering his name and be sent home, or I could bite the bullet and enjoy the reward of getting to stay.
“...S…S…Sh…S……”
He looked at me with an amused smirk on his face. “I’m waiting.”
I glared back. “Hold on! I’m trying, give me a second.” I took a deep breath.
He seemed to be enjoying me struggle. As he took another sip of his tea, his smirk widened.
“…S…Sh…o…san.” It felt as if I were wringing out all the air in my lungs.
Looking satisfied, he put his cup down and with the same hand, pat the top of my head. “I’ll give you a B-.”
I sighed in relief and brought my hands to my chest.
“You want to take a bath?” he asked.
There he goes again, leaving me lingering on previous thoughts while he enjoys a new conversation topic.
“S-Sure…” It was clear that I wasn’t used to this. I crossed my arms nervously.
“Bathroom’s down that hallway, to your left,” he pointed. “Clean towels are in the cabinets above the washer.”
“Thanks…” I scratched the side of my head and stood up. “Wait!” I realized something critical. “I don’t have any change of clothes…” I laughed awkwardly.
“I’ll get you something,” he replied casually. “And don’t worry; I won’t withhold it like you did with me.” He raised his eyebrows as if to remind me.
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I pouted at him, but waited patiently for him to bring me some clothes.
“Try those.” His clothes fell into my hands.
“…Thanks,” I managed to say before closing the door behind me.
Phew. I let out a long exhale and looked around. Like his living room, his bathroom was also of a modern minimalistic taste. The porcelain of the sink was impeccably clean, and a single toothbrush stood in its stand. Curiosity killed the cat, they say, but luckily, I’m no cat. My hands reached for the sink cabinet and opened them. Aside from a spare tube of toothpaste, dental floss, aftershave, and cologne, it was quite bare. Inquisitive fingers grabbed a hold of his cologne. I uncapped the top and brought it to my nose. The aroma sent shivers down my spine and my mind filled with thoughts of him. Mmm… I carefully placed the cap back on the bottle, set it back where it was, and closed the cabinet doors.
I stood there grinning to myself like an idiot as reality set in. Usually, that involved a lot of sighs and groans. But now? Reality seemed much too alluring to be true. You have a boyfriend, Kokoro. And he’s outside waiting for you. The #1 host of Akatsuki is off the market, ladies! I felt a little guilty thinking that way, but I couldn’t help it. The reflection in the mirror smiled back at me, and she looked incredibly happy. So don’t you tell me you’re incapable of making someone happy.
--
The bath water felt great and relaxed my nerves. I stepped out to dry off, and suddenly began to worry about insignificant things. Shoot. Thinking I was only seeing Ryota tonight, I had chosen my boring, beige-colored granny panties. My bra was also an eyesore. I debated whether to wear them at all, but then the rational side of me pulled my head out of cloud nine. Was my worrying all for nothing? What if he didn’t want to? But, the devil usually has a voice. The setting is perfect; why wouldn’t he want to? I shook my head of both thoughts.
Better safe than sorry. I put my undergarments back on, then tried on his t-shirt. The sleeves slacked halfway down my biceps and the hem hung just below my butt. I wasn’t swimming in it, but it was obvious this shirt belonged to a man. Though it was only a piece of fabric, I felt safe wearing it. His pajama pants, on the other hand, were a lot harder to keep in place. The elastic waistband sagged and caught at my hipbones and my feet were completely hidden underneath the loose fabric that gathered at the floor. It looked silly, but I figured it wouldn’t be too awkward if I cover it with the t-shirt. I chuckled to myself and, after checking to make sure I was presentable, I opened the door to join him back in the living room.
“Thanks, I’m done, if you want to go in.” I shifted my feet across the wooden flooring.
He looked my direction and took it all in. Then, he burst into laughter. “You look pretty ridiculous right now.”
I puffed my cheeks. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“No, you don’t.” He got up, walked over, and stood in front of me. “You’re my first.”
“What, the first woman to look this comical in your clothes?” I narrowed my eyes. He was full of sweet nothings like that, but I’ve gotten better at seeing through them.
He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look like I had guessed right. “You’re not wrong,” he said impressed. “But not fully right, either.”
“Fine, the first woman to look so absolutely ridiculous in your clothes,” I reworded my thoughts.
“Hm…” He leaned forward, bowing to meet my eyelevel. “You are the first woman to look this comical in my clothes.” Then, he gave me a smile. “But I don’t have a comparison, so who really knows?” He stood back upright and hummed some tune as he walked passed me. I heard the bathroom door close.
The honeyed air was almost suffocating. How stupid of me to think I had him all figured out. I always knew that he had a way of making me feel special. But now, I also knew that his endearing words and caring actions were exclusive, that I was the object of his affection. Feeling weak in the knees, I had to sit down. My toes curled happily as I looked back at the bathroom door.
--
It wasn’t long before he came out of the bathroom. Unlike last time, he was fully clothed but had a towel around his neck to catch the drops of water falling from his hair. Upon seeing me, he stifled a laugh.
“Still funny to you, huh?” I crossed my arms.
“Yeah, kinda.” He dried his head with the towel, and his disheveled hair made him look extra sexy. I was falling for his charm again, but this time, I didn’t have to fight it.
“34…”
“Oh, do you suddenly want to go home?” He licked his lips teasingly. “That’s not my name.”
I sighed defeated. “Sh…o-san.”
“Hm?” He smiled invitingly. “I’m listening.”
“…Nothing.” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It was much too embarrassing.
He joined me on the couch. “You’re not a very good liar.”
The scent of his shampoo tickled my nose. He stuck his full lips out just a little in protest. And that’s all it took; I was starting to feel dizzy.
“N-Now that we’re dating…” I strung together some ambiguous words.
His hand combed through my hair and found a resting place at the nape of my neck. “Mm-hmm?”
“So… that means…” A tingling sensation traveled down my spine as I felt his warmth at my neck.
His other arm curled behind my waist and pulled me closer. I could now feel the heat from his body. “That means…?”
You tease.
You know exactly what I want to say.
“…You and I...” I closed my eyes. My head was spinning.
He leaned in and nudged the corner of my mouth with his nose. “What about us?” His hot breath flirted with my collarbones.
I gulped and tried to calm my racing heart. “I want you.”
A satisfied smirk crossed his face. Then, his nose continued its way down my neck. “I see.”
“Mm…” My shoulders tensed at the sensation.
But as soon as I had felt it, he pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Are you okay?” Without saying another word, he reminded me of what had happened earlier tonight.
“I am,” I reassured. My eyes pleaded for him to go on.
Instead, he took my hand and stood up. I followed his lead down the hallway and found myself in his bedroom. He turned the lights on but dimmed them just a bit, then pulled me toward the bed. He waited for me to situate myself, then lied down beside me.
“Close your eyes.” His voice was raspy and alluring.
I didn’t put up a fight.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“I do,” I replied, eyes still closed.
With that, I felt his hand move up toward my face. Although I knew that he wasn’t touching me, I had a strange sensation that he was. Was it just my imagination? I slowly exhaled. The sensation traveled down over my nose, across my cheeks, and lingered at my lips. It felt like electricity was releasing from his fingers. I parted my lips a little and exhaled out of my mouth.
“Sho…san?” A breathy name escaped my teeth.
“Hm?”
“…What are you doing?”
“Do you trust me?” he repeated his earlier question.
“I do,” I said again.
“Then, relax.” His lips were millimeters away from my ears, and my body twitched in surprise.
“O-Okay…” Inhaling deeply, I gave him control.
The sensation that had lingered at my lips continued its journey down, tickling my neck and collarbones.
“…Mm.”
Though fully clothed, I could feel his fingers hovering over my chest, then my stomach. As his hand traveled farther down, I anticipated the sensation between my legs… but it didn’t come. Instead, I felt tingling along my calves and thighs, and I knew he had moved there.
Whatever he was doing, it was magic. Soon, my breathing sped up as my lungs hungered for more air. Seeing this, he paused and placed his hands at my ear. I shivered at his touch and realized that everything up to this point had been in my mind.
“How are you feeling?” he asked sweetly.
“…I d-don’t know,” I said between gasps. “It… feels amazing.”
“Good,” he replied as he slowly removed his hand from my ear.
He then placed his four fingers at the top of my forehead, or so I thought. My mind was having trouble comprehending the situation, but it was clear my body was enjoying it. There was dampness between my thighs and my breathing was out of control. His fingers drew a straight line down my face, down the arch of my nose, my parted lips, over my neck, between my collarbones and breasts.
“Aah…”
They then traced over my belly button and caressed my inner thighs. My reflexes jolted to clamp my legs together, but as soon as I loosened my muscles, his fingers teased again.
“Nngh…ahh.” Words were impossible. I let my desires out in moans.
All of a sudden, I felt my body stiffen up, toes curling as my back arched.
“Mmm…aah…!”
My chest rose up and down as I gasped for air, and the rest of my body twitched in ecstasy. It was no surprise what had just happened, but it was certainly the first time I had been fulfilled in such a way. As I lied there completely spent, I felt his fingers part mine and hold my hand.
“How was that?” His honeyed voice echoed in my ears.
It took me several moments before I could answer him. Eyes still closed, I managed to reply, “Incredible.”
“You can open your eyes now, if you want.”
With his invitation, I slowly open them. The dim lights stared back at me.
I heard him move beside me. He bent his arm and using his elbow as support, rested his head on his hand. “Look at me,” he said.
I turned my head to find him there, smiling gently at me. He let go of my hand and moved his up to my face. After tracing my jawline, he rested it at my cheek.
“I want you to know something.”
“Hm…?” I replied faintly.
“Women aren’t mere objects of a man’s fancy.”
I stared into his beautifully sincere eyes.
“But we are men, and any of us are capable of erring.”
I immediately recalled the terror that accompanied Ryota’s earlier assault. I realized that what had just happened was Sho-san’s way of proving an important point.
“Kokoro-san.”
My eyes began to water at the realization. I tried to fight it, but resistance was futile. “…Yes?”
The hand at my cheek caught the tear and wiped it away. “I want to prove to you that there are still good men out there.”
I pursed my lips and a few more tears fell from my eyes.
“You’re my first.” His fingers combed through my hair.
I sniffled and gazed longingly at him.
“You’re the first woman who’s made me feel like I deserve to be happy.”
His soft lips gently kissed my eyes. I turned my body toward him and held him tightly. You have no idea how strongly I wish for your happiness, too.
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no subject
Date: October 12th, 2016 10:13 (UTC)no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:18 (UTC)Yeah, can you just imagine his dripping hair as he comes out of the shower? D:
Oooh, you're certainly speaking like someone who has been following this fanfic for quite some time. To focus on that part of the storyline is very like you ;)
You know what my comment means: Ch.11 is up now, if you're interested in the morning after, hehe.
no subject
Date: October 12th, 2016 11:40 (UTC)It's so cute how he laughs at Kokoro in his clothes.
Such a sad thing that there aren't any guys like him in real life. He's too perfect to be true.
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:21 (UTC)So, so glad you pointed out the laughing part! I was almost about to edit that out but I thought it was just too cute. It shows a different side of Sho-san, too. ^^
Ah, alas... but a girl can dream <3 Hehe. Oh, Ch.11 is up if you're interested in what happens next~!
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:36 (UTC)Hey, any time one person can laugh at his/her partner straight at their faces just shows how comfortable they are with each other. And it shows Sho is going in that direction.
Okay, I'm off to the next chapter~
no subject
Date: October 12th, 2016 12:05 (UTC)I was smiling so much while reading, your writing is just amazing, i love it!
Your writing of Sho is just too perfect, i cant help but to fall for him even more and more
This chapter had so many awesome points... i can just say that this chapter was just too much wonderful :D <3
Ill be waiting for the upcoming chapter :D
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:23 (UTC)Hehehe, I was also grinning as I wrote it. xD Isn't Sho-san the sweetest? T_T
Ch.11 is ready now, if you're interested in finding out what happens the morning after~!
no subject
Date: October 12th, 2016 16:59 (UTC)question though, im really curious why is sho your main character? your bias is nino and i think the initial role is really like jun-like. so why is it sho? not that im complaining bec i loooove sho so much that i can sleep thinking im kokoro. haha!
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:27 (UTC)Great question, haha! When I first came up with the storyline for this fanfic, I immediately pictured Sho. I'm not completely sure why, but as I began writing, I couldn't see any other member playing this part. Interestingly enough, I've written a NinoxJun fanfic before. xD I have to admit that Nino is the easiest for me to write. That's my bias talking ;)
Anyway, Ch.11 is ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next!
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Date: October 12th, 2016 23:23 (UTC)Waiting for next chapter,,just take your time
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:27 (UTC)no subject
Date: October 13th, 2016 00:11 (UTC)i still have so many questons about sho's past, i can't wait to read the nex chapters <3
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:28 (UTC)Ch.11 is ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next~!
no subject
Date: October 13th, 2016 18:23 (UTC)I'm sorry .. this chapter just hit me with a lot of personal emotions from past relationships, but GREAT job!! I'll just go grab some tissue and go reread it for the umpteenth time.
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:34 (UTC)I think every woman has at least one gut-wrenching relationship experience. :( Although I'll admit that I am in no way personally reflected in Kokoro's character, I do understand that her insecurities are raw and real. And, you're right: he's a keeper. :)
Ch.11 is ready now, if you'd like to continue reading and see what happens. I'll keep a box of tissues ready for you, if you need it. <3
no subject
Date: October 13th, 2016 21:41 (UTC)Apologies for the lack of words. I'm speechless.
Thank you again for chapter 10, Emkay. I enjoy it very much! Really enjoyed it.
Aimee
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:36 (UTC)Aww, that's quite humbling. I'm really glad to hear you enjoyed reading it.
Ch.11 is now ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next~!
no subject
Date: October 14th, 2016 16:40 (UTC)Oh my.. such a good chapter.. can't wait for the next.
Sho is still mysterious.. is he a secret agent or something..
I love this fiction..
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:37 (UTC)Haha, he very well could be a secret agent, what with all we don't know about him yet, hehe.
Ch.11 is ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next~!
no subject
Date: October 15th, 2016 16:40 (UTC)anyways.... exciting nice story! keep it up
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:38 (UTC)Yes, don't we ALL know the answer... hehe. Ch.11 is ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next~!
no subject
Date: October 15th, 2016 17:02 (UTC)Thank you very much! Do your best and take all your time for the next chapter <3
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:40 (UTC)And gosh, yours is such a humbling comment. I understand what you're saying about having the other person have complete control over you. Hm... may I interest you in Ch.11, because I think it may speak to some of the things you've mentioned... ^^ It's ready if you're interested in finding out what happens next~!
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Date: October 16th, 2016 13:17 (UTC)Thank you so much for writing it and sharing it. I'll be keeping up with updates from now on and can't wait to see what happens as the story progresses 😊
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 09:43 (UTC)I usually reply to comments when the next chapter is ready to read, so if you get a notification in your email saying that I've responded, it usually means the next chapter is up ;) In this case, Ch.11, hehe.