amnosxmatsujun | While I have the opportunity...

I am here. And alive. And grieving...

You don't have to read all of this. To be honest, I may be doing this for my own sake. It's been over 48 hours since the M9.0 earthquake... but I feel more sorrow and fear now than I did as I experienced the huge shaking that lasted over 5 minutes.

I woke up like I usually do, did landlady-ing activities like I usually do, got ready for translating work, and arrived at a train station near Tokyo thirty minutes before work hours. I was sitting at a table waiting for work to begin. 14:46. I remember exactly what I was doing. My coworkers and I immediately held onto one another's arms and squat down close to the ground so we wouldn't fall. There were boxes stacked up that almost fell. We caught them before it happened, and rushed out of the waiting room and squat down once again in the middle of the train station. We heard a woman shriek, and by the time we were out in the middle of the station, only two or three other people were left there. Everyone fled. The emergency exit light swung like a pendulum over our heads.

We couldn't keep our balance if we stood, so we kept our center of balance as low to the floor as possible... but the shaking wouldn't stop. We waited, but the ground continued to shake. Five minutes had passed when we thought it was safe enough to stand. I thought it was my body swaying, but as I looked up and noticed the emergency exit sign still swinging, I knew that the quake hadn't died down.

After about 10 minutes, we headed back to the waiting room and waited to see if it was safe enough to start work as planned. It was not. Only soon after, the second and third huge quakes hit. Phones weren't working. Not even cell phones. No calls could get through, not one text message could be sent or received, no websites could be accessed via the cell phone network. After about thirty minutes, I receive a text message from my family. They are all safe, thank God. I try to text message them back. It won't go through. When it finally did, they didn't receive it until the next hour. This continued for over 12 hours, at least.

There was a coworker whose family lived right where the earthquakes (and subsequently, the tsunamis) hit. She couldn't get in contact with them for 6 hours. I can't even imagine. It turns out that her family members had all evacuated and were safe. Their home? Completely wiped out due to the tsunami.

I got food when I could, which was one of the smartest moves I took. Pretty soon, all convenience stores were sold out of everything they had (imagine those shelves barren of all food and drinks; it's terrifying), most all stores were closed (due to electricity outage). There was a tweet that went around, that read this: "There are customers picking up sold items in a convenience store, who then wait quietly in line to purchase what they have picked up off the ground. There is an old lady giving up her seat to a pregnant woman on a crowded train. Foreigners were in disbelief at what they saw. But it's true, isn't it? Japan is wonderful." It was exactly so. People patiently waited in line to buy whatever was left on the shelves.

I walked through the streets, I couldn't believe that on such a beautiful day, such a terrifying thing had happened. We weren't able to find out information. We were in a kind of unwilled, ignorant bliss. There were excited people... but there were also people seemingly dead on the ground, police officers surrounding a building that was expected to crumble... it was one of the strangest feelings I've ever felt.

Due to all the earthquakes and aftershocks, all railways, subways, and bullet trains had stopped operating to prevent possible derailing. Aftershocks kept occurring every few minutes. At first, Japan Railways (JR) had announced that "the trains will reconsider operating after an unknown, but lengthy amount of time". The problem with Tokyo is that so much is condensed in such a small area. Most everyone uses and relies on public transportation to get places. This meant that those who got off at that station were stuck there until the trains started to run again... but they didn't. A bit past 7:00pm, JR announced that they have completely abandoned the idea of restarting operations for the day.

As the sun set and night crawled its way out, temperatures began to drop even more. There were high school students from Okinawa who were there for a graduation trip. There were preschool kids who were there on a field trip. No one was exempt. People started to pass out newspapers and magazines, and spread them on the concrete ground. Not one of us had blankets. People were starting to freeze. At about 8:30pm, a coworker and I got news that a nearby university had opened up its grounds for evacuation purposes. We decided to head in that direction.

The whole city was overflowing with people and cars that were getting nowhere. It was more crowded at night than it was during the day. All cabs were occupied with passengers who just wanted to get home. Buses were trying their best. Others had asked their friends and relatives to come pick them up via car. But vehicles got nowhere. I heard so many accounts of people taking 5+ hours just to travel a few hundred meters. It's quicker to walk that distance. In fact, people walked home in the darkness, from Tokyo to surrounding prefectures. It took them all night, some got lost on the way, but they got home.

My coworker and I found a restaurant that was still open for service. We thought we should eat when we could, so we entered. The place was packed with people thinking the same things we were: food, warmth, information needed. The lights were on and so was the heating system, but the gas was out. The only orders we could make were of dishes that didn't need heating (like salads and sashimi). We made due with that we could get. It was better than nothing, far better than what we saw on the news later.

On the way to the university, we found a hotel that was showing the news on TV. They had also opened their lobby area for evacuation. They had set up hot tea for free, and were even lending out blankets. We stopped by to get some information. The more I saw, the more I cried. The footages are devastating to watch. I wanted to sleep so I could wake up and pretend it was all a nightmare... but I was too heartbroken to rest at all.

Morning soon came, and the hotel people had made us evacuees hot rice porridge. I was moved to tears. In disasterous times, the love of humanity shines so blindingly bright. They didn't need to do that. They didn't need to open up their lobby for non-paid guests. But they did. People help one another when nothing else is going right. And that's when I knew I must also do something to help those less fortunate than I. I am lucky to be alive. When thoughts like that cross my mind, the petty problems I used to whine about (like how I get home at midnight after working the whole day) seem like nothing. And they are nothing. What is important is what I can do for Japan now.

There will be mandated electrical shutdowns to preserve and reallocate electricity to places that need it. Prime Minister Kan has announced that the Kanto region will be affected. This means that I will not be as readily available online. About 1/3 of my days will be without electricity, until the end of April, at the very least. The government may plan to do this again once summer begins, as cooling systems will start to be used and more electricity must be preserved and stored. The problem is not over; in fact, it has only just begun. Not until the very last person is with food, shelter, and clothes, not until the power plants have been restored enough to provide electrical power to all, is this problem put to rest. A bit of inconvenience is a small price to pay if it means I can help those in more severely-affected areas.

However, I am not pessimistic in all this. There are so many people I'd like to thank, so many reasons to appreciate. I know I tweeted like hell the past few days. I may have spammed you, but you have no idea how much that kept me sane. Most every information that I needed to find out, I got from twitter. Encouraging messages from overseas friends, I got from twitter. It's not an exaggeration if I said that twitter saved me.

A bit past 7:00am on the 12th, I started to make my way towards the train station. I took the subways and JR, but they were running infrequently and so many people were also wanting to get home. It was chaos at every station. I don't think I've seen that many people crammed into each square meter. Some antsy people pushed. Some others made way for others to go ahead. It took me over three times as usual to get home. But I considered it rather a miracle that I got there, because soon after, the trains I needed stopped running again.

After arriving at my parent's, I realized how blessed I was. The night before, the night of the earthquake, they had no electricity, no water, no gas. By the time I got there, everything was back. When you think about what you can do without those things, you realize how much you can't do. You can't use the restroom, you can't cook, you can't even boil water. You can't charge your cell phone (the lifeline in such catastrophe), you can't stay warm, you can't receive the information you need. Seeing the TV on and feeling the warmth under the kotatsu felt like yet another set of miracles.

This got long, I know, and to be honest, I have so much more to say. But for now, this is as detailed an account I will give. Thank you to those who encouraged me, who have donated, who have taken the efforts to help Japan. I see more and more organizations, nations, and individuals donating every hour. It truly, truly moves me to tears.

日本は負けないよ。

#prayforjapan ありがとう。本当にありがとう。
(Doing what I can: Fundrasing for Japan HERE. Arashi fans are amazing ♡)