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amnosxmatsujunPairing: Sakurai Sho x Fictional Female (Reader) *see note below
Rating: R for whole series, PG-13 for Ch.11
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 6,384
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10
Chapter Eleven: Between The Lines
**Translator's Note: In the Kanto region of Japan, a huge majority of hair salons are closed on Tuesdays.**
The warm sunlight leaking in from the window was what awoke me. A big yawn escaped my mouth as I stretched out my arms and legs. Hm? The covers felt a lot softer than what I was used to, and it smelled faintly of spicy amber. My eyes snapped open as if someone had surprised me. In my vision entered a man securing the curtains open.
“Good morning,” he said softly.
I quickly sat up and greeted him.
He chuckled and walked over to the bed. “That was an epic yawn.”
Dang it. He saw me.
“Heh…” I laughed nervously.
His hand landed softly on top of my head as his fingers began to fix my bed hair. “You sleep okay?”
“Yeah…” I sat there as his fingers made their way through my hair and wondered if I were still dreaming. I had never woken up to such a honeyed morning before.
“Want any coffee?”
He walked over to his side of the bed where his watch collection was, and picked out a Breguet XX. Never mind that if I ever bought a Breguet, I’d be left broke without a home. Why dwell on the technicalities when the man wearing it is far more beautiful than the watch? As I gazed at him put it on his wrist, I saw a glimpse of his professionalism, a side I hadn’t really noticed before. He had on a blue-checkered dress shirt with a light gray tailored jacket, both accentuating the breadth of his shoulders, the thickness of his chest, and the gentle curve of his waist. His matching dress pants outlined his hips and thighs, bringing a masculine eroticism to the look.
“It’s not nice to stare,” he smiled playfully.
I snapped out of the daze. “S-Sorry.” I couldn’t help myself. What’s wrong with checking out my boyfriend? I smiled at the thought.
“Coffee?” he asked again.
“Yes, I’d love some.”
He nodded and turned to go to the kitchen. I got out of bed, fixed the sheets, and looked at the two pillows lying side by side. Sometimes, you find joy in the smallest things. This was one of those things.
I walked out his room, down the hallway, and into the living room. The aroma of vanilla nut coffee tickled my nose.
“Here you go.” He reached his arms out to pass me a white mug. “Milk or sugar?”
“Yes, please, to both.” It smelled like a divine morning.
“Here.” He placed a milk carton, a bag of sugar, and a spoon on the coffee table. “I take it black, so this is all I’ve got.”
I smiled, not just because it was refreshing to see him stumbling a little in his hospitality, but also because I just found out another fact about him. How many others know that you like black coffee? I stored that tidbit safely in my mind and scooped some sugar out of the bag.
“Mm, this is really good coffee, Sho-san,” I said eagerly.
But when I said this, I noticed that he was staring at me.
“…I-Is there something on my face?” I rubbed my cheeks just in case.
He burst into laughter. “I had totally forgotten about those pants.”
My jaw dropped defiantly. “It’s not nice to stare!” If I can’t stare at you, then you can’t get away with staring at me!
He took a sip of his coffee without looking away. “Looks like I’ll have to get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over.”
I nearly dropped my mug. F-For when I come over? What are you implying…?
Unfazed as usual, he took another sip of his drink and walked over toward me. In my haste to fix the bed, I failed to realize that his t-shirt was now sliding off one of my shoulders, exposing my collarbones. Without any hesitation, he bowed down to kiss me there.
“I don’t have to practice restraint anymore, do I?” The smell of coffee lingered about. His free hand gently fixed my shirt, covering my once exposed collarbone.
The room suddenly felt warm and the place where he had planted the kiss was burning from his touch. Is he always this sweet in the mornings? I sighed, fully content.
“Did you want anything to eat? I usually just make toast.” He walked back into the kitchen and I heard the rustling of a plastic bag.
“Oh, um… sure, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“You can get ready while I make it,” he stopped me right before I stepped foot into his kitchen.
“Do you need help?” I asked in an effort to be polite.
“I’m no cook, but I think I can manage this,” he chuckled.
“Right.” I nodded and turned to make my way toward the bathroom. After closing the door behind me, I realized that the only change of clothes I had were the ones I was wearing yesterday. Shoot. At this point, I had no choice. I pulled his t-shirt over my head and put on my blouse. His pajama pants didn’t need much help slipping down to the floor. I pulled my skinny jeans up and looked into the mirror. Luckily, I had brought my makeup back with me. After applying some foundation, blush, and eyeliner, I tossed my hair a bit and braided it from the back down to one side of my body. Now that I was a little more presentable, I headed back toward the living room feeling a little more confident.
“Mm.” He noticed I had returned and stopped his hands. My heart fluttered at the sight. Dangling around his neck was a simple, dark brown necktie. There was something in the fabric that gave it an opalescent quality, and it glimmered with his every movement. In his mouth was a slice of toast, which told me he had been busying his hands with something else. It had been years since I had seen a man getting ready in the morning. Without realizing it, my heart had picked up speed.
He took the toast out of his mouth and pointed to the counter with it. “Yours is over there.”
I followed his gesture and saw that next to the toast was a jar of jam that looked as though it had never been opened. “Thanks,” I smiled.
“Do you like jam? Strawberry’s all I had.”
I looked his way again and noticed that the toast in his hand was slightly burnt. On my plate was a perfectly toasted slice. “Um, Sho-san?”
“Hm?” He had taken a bite of his. I pointed to my slice and then at his, and he seemed to figure out what I wanted to say. “I told you I can’t cook.”
I bit my lips to keep the smile from bursting open. The perfect man, the #1 host of Akatsuki, just burnt his toast. The fact was so endearing that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The smile exploded on my face.
“That’s silly,” I giggled. It made me feel special to be able to see this side of him.
He made his way over to me with his toast in hand. “Is this funny to you?” The corners of his mouth were curling curiously.
“Yeah, kinda.” I covered my mouth with my hand to try and be polite. But suddenly, he put his toast down on the plate, on top of mine, and pulled that hand toward him. I felt my body swinging forward and into his chest. And just like that, he had embraced me.
“It’s not nice to laugh at someone’s misery, is it?” I felt his chin on top of my head.
I was about to apologize when I remembered something. “You did it, too.”
“What, with those pajama pants?” he chuckled.
See, you’re not even denying it.
“Yeah.” I pouted even though I knew he couldn’t see my face. My ear was leaning against his chest and I could hear his strong and steady heartbeat. Quite contrary to my racing one, I thought.
“I did offer a solution for that,” he reminded.
“Looks like I’ll have to get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over.” His words ricocheted in my mind like a ping-pong ball.
“S-So?” I tried to keep my cool.
“Don’t you have a solution for me?” He let go of me but kept my body close.
I caught him staring inquisitively. “Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He reached behind my head and picked up his toast again. Then, bringing his lips to my ears, he whispered, “You could come over more often and cook for me instead?”
I froze in place. His warm breath left a tingling sensation there. When I looked at him, he was already taking another bite of his toast as if nothing had happened. He was always in control. And yet. I no longer minded.
“I’ve got an appointment this morning,” he said, still standing in front of me. “Do you have work today?”
Still lingering on his suggestion, it took me a few seconds before I realized he had said something else.
“Sorry, what?”
His smirk said it all. He was thoroughly enjoying the power he had over me. Another bite later, he repeated his question.
I looked at the time. 8:14AM. My shift didn’t start until 11:00AM, but I didn’t want to keep him from starting his day. “Yeah. Let me gather my things, I don’t want to keep you.”
“I’ll take you,” he smiled.
He had a way of throwing me off my train of thought, and he had done it again. One moment, he’s smirking away, then, he turns around and flashes that genuine smile. There was no staying mad at him. How could I say ‘no’?
“…Sure.”
This is far better than my usual morning routine, I thought. I didn’t want to speak too soon, but I let myself dwell on the thought. As nervous as I was, I encouraged myself to be vulnerable. I could get used to this. I spread some jam onto my toast and took a bite.
“Mmm!” I squealed.
“Good?”
“This jam is so good! Not too sweet, you know, some jams just taste like syrup. I can actually taste the sourness of the fruit. And the bread is fluffy on the inside even though the outside is perfectly crispy. I wonder if they use a different mix of flour…”
I heard him giggling as he finished the last bite of his.
“What’s so funny?” I puffed my cheeks.
“You’re cute when you talk about food,” he licked his fingers of the crumbs.
I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a playful, challenging glare. “I won’t cook for you if you make fun of me.”
But he stood there, unaffected by my feeble threat. Instead, he busied his hands and began to knot the tie around his neck. I watched as his slender, masculine fingers moved in a motion they were clearly used to, swooping the longer end under and over, and before I could blink, a clean, Half-Windsor knot rested neatly at the base of his neck. Perhaps I had been staring too long. He noticed my gaze and leaned in to look at me.
“I guess that means you won’t get to see me get ready in the mornings, either.” He pushed his lips out provocatively, challenging my previous comment.
“No, wait…!” I grabbed the loose part of his button-down shirt near the elbows. I looked down at my feet in defeat. “I didn’t mean what I said…”
He bit his lips in satisfaction, mouth curling at the edges. “Look who’s honest this morning.” Then, he used his free arm to pull me in closer, only millimeters away from his body. Freeing my hand, he caressed it with his thumb. His smirk slowly metamorphosed into an endearing smile, and I felt as though my mind were melting from the heat.
This is what you do, and you do it impeccably. I’ve come to know that about you, Sho-san. There’s a deep warmth to your kindness. That’s why I can’t win with you, but that’s okay. I’ll accept defeat if that means I get to see you smile at me like that.
--
“It’s this salon right here,” I said, as I pointed out the window at my workplace.
It was nearly 8:45AM when we had arrived there. He put his hazards on and pulled up to the curb.
“You’re a hair stylist?” His question made me realize I hadn’t disclosed that information yet.
“I can’t believe I never told you…” I said, bewildered.
“Maybe you can cut my hair next time,” he suggested. “I’m due for one, anyway.” He combed through his bangs.
I could feel my pulse thumping in my fingers. “Sure.” The thought of touching his hair sent tingling sensations all the way down my hands.
“Kokoro-san.”
“Y-Yes?” I wondered how long we’d have to date before I finally got used to him calling me by my name.
“What are you doing next Tuesday?”
“Tuesday?” I thought forward several days. “Nothing so far. Why?”
“Well, you don’t have work on Tuesdays, do you?” **
For a second, I wondered how he knew that. Was he just accurate with his guessing game again? But as I followed his gaze out toward the hair salon, I deduced his thought process.
“Leave that day open,” he said casually.
“…Why?” Anticipation grew with each rushing heartbeat.
“I want to take you out on a date.” He arched his eyebrows ever so slightly, eyes scanning my expression for a reply.
I felt my heart punching at my ribcage. Luckily enough, I was wearing closed-toed ballet flats; otherwise, my curling toes would have given away the excitement in my bones.
“What do you say?” he smiled.
“…I’d love that.” I hope I didn’t sound too excited, I thought, as I smiled back at him.
“I’ll call you with details later, then.” His fingers made their way to the loose strands caught in my eyelashes. After neatly tucking them away behind my ears, his fingers lingered at the edge of my jawline.
“S…ho-san…?”
As if he knew exactly what I wanted, he leaned in and left the softest kiss I had ever experienced. My lips burned and yearned for more.
“Be good, Kokoro-san.” His fingers slid away as he leaned back in his own seat.
All I could manage was a feeble nod. As I opened the door to exit his car, I saw him raise a part of his hand from the handle to signal farewell. The smile on his face was so warm and gentle, my toes curled in my shoes again. His car weaved back into oncoming traffic and I watched it disappear into a right turn. Happiness overwhelmed me. I get to see him again on Tuesday. With a skip in my step, I headed for the salon.
--
After work, I decided to stop by a department store. Embarrassingly enough, at the age of 33, I had forgotten what it was like to go on a date. What Sho-san had referred to as a date in the past was different. That was a group outing, I thought. This? Now, this was a completely different story. It was going to be our very first date.
My wardrobe throughout the years had become a collection of what I considered “comfortable” and “modest,” miles and miles away from what any girl should be wearing on her very first date. What I had worn to the group outing was about the only thing that had even the slightest chance of getting a passing grade. Nervous and not knowing where to start, I browsed through some of the shops and looked at the mannequins for some ideas.
After walking around the department store for some time, I came across a light pink dress. It was adorned with lace and everything about it screamed girly. The sleeves were flowy as it cuffed at the wrists, and the length of the hem seemed to graze just above the knee. I walked into the store, but not without hesitation. Still in the same clothes as yesterday, I felt inappropriate stepping in.
Back in my student years, I was the girl in class with whom the boys felt comfortable speaking…which is to say, they didn’t see me in that way. I was pretty good at sports, and unlike the other girls in class, I didn’t mind getting treated like one of the boys. While they went easy on the cute girls in class, when it came to me, they wouldn’t think twice. “You’re comfortable to be around, Nijishima.” I remembered a guy in class telling me. “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?”
So, it was with great courage I even stepped foot in this store. I took the dress sleeves in my hands and felt the daintiness of it. It seemed to have a fragility that my personality clearly didn’t possess. Maybe I’m trying too hard. As I was about to walk away, a staff called to me.
“It’s an adorable dress, isn’t it?” She smiled, her rosy cheeks glowing. Standing there was a character straight out of a manga, I thought. Her hair was flowy and soft, her glossy lips delectable, her small frame accentuating the puffiness of the knitted top she was wearing, her slender legs reaching a pair of light brown booties that seemed like they had hardly been worn. Ah. THIS is the kind of girl who would look good in a dress like this. I smiled nervously at her. My insecurities were surfacing their ugly heads again.
“Y-Yeah, it is…” I let go of the hand touching the dress.
“Would you like to try it on? We have two other colors, but the light pink is our top seller.” She shuffled through the clothing rack and pulled out the other two colors. One was a light purple, and the other was off-white. Of course. The dress only came in soft, feminine colors.
“Uh… n-no, that’s okay,” I shook my head. I bowed to thank her.
“Are you sure? I think the light pink would work really well with your skin tone,” she pressed.
I looked back at the one adorning the mannequin. Do you like feminine women, Sho-san? As the question circled around in my head, I felt a small voice whisper, “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?”
I took a deep breath. “…Okay, I’ll try that one.” My finger shyly pointed at the mannequin.
“I’ll get a room ready for you,” the girl smiled widely. The sound of her boots echoed in my head.
Once inside the dressing room, I felt a little more at ease. Even if it ends up looking terrible on me, I’d be the only person to see it, I assured myself. After undressing myself, I carefully took the dress in my hands. My workers’ hands just weren’t capable of making this garment look feminine. Though hesitant, I stepped into the dress and zipped the back.
In the mirror was a woman who looked like she had never seen her reflection before. Her face looked surprised, but also not as stern as it was before. She moved around awkwardly, testing the length of the hem as it swayed side to side with each step. Her fidgety hands pulled at the sleeves.
“How’s everything going in there?” I heard the same girly voice just outside the dressing room door.
“U-Uh, I’m fine!” I stammered.
“Please feel free to come out and look at the outfit in a different lighting,” she invited.
I stared at my reflection for a few moments longer. Standing here looking at myself isn’t going to make me feel any less insecure, I told myself. I unlocked the door and slowly stepped out.
“Oh, wow! That looks so cute on you!” The girl clasped her dainty hands across her chest as she watched me move nervously. “I knew that color would work well with your skin tone!”
Please. You’re paid to say that.
And yet, her words seemed to silence the doubting voices in my head, even if only for a moment. For that, I was grateful.
“…You sure I can pull this off?” I laughed uncomfortably.
“You have really slender legs, Miss. I think you should show them off more.” Her smile seemed genuine, but all I could do was keep the heat from rising to my head.
The girl left my side for a moment and came back with a light heather grey cardigan. “Is this for a special occasion?”
Special occasion. I thought for a moment. “…Yeah. It is.”
“You can wear something like this over the dress.” She reached her hand out to place the cardigan against my body. “It’ll tone down the femininity of the dress a little bit, if that’s something you’re worried about.”
This girl must have top sales at this store, I thought. The way she was able to decipher my nervousness from my body language, how she casually suggested this cardigan as if she knew I wasn’t used to this kind of outfit, even the gentle smile on her face told me that her intentions were good. I took the grey cardigan from her and put it on. The hem was long and asymmetrical, longer in the back and tapering down to fit snugly around my hips. Sure enough, it made me feel a little more comfortable, a little more reserved.
“Very elegant,” she stated.
I couldn’t help but smile at her. “You’re very good. I’ll take both.”
--
Tonight was one of those nights where I didn’t feel that hungry. It was only 7:30PM, so I decided to look around some more. I passed by a shoe store displaying dainty heels and boots. On the way out from the clothing store, the girl left me with sound advice.
“If it’s a date, I recommend heels with this dress.”
By the end of the night, I ended up buying a pair of modest gray heels to match my outfit and a slightly sexy bra and undies set. Now that I knew it was okay to desire him physically, I thought it would make sense to have at least one set of provocative undergarments. Not that I’m expecting anything. Even as I told myself so, my heart was fluttering at the hopes that Tuesday night would lead to something like that. These purchased items were all part of my intricate plan. He's always around gorgeous women. If I don’t step up my game, he may lose interest, I feared.
--
A few, uneventful days passed and it was already Monday night. Although he had texted me every now and then, he hadn’t called me since he dropped me off at work.
“Excited for Tuesday.”
That was his last text, sent on Sunday. He must be busy, I thought. I’m going to spend extra time getting ready for tomorrow, I told myself. I began with a long bath to relax my muscles. Then, I looked around my shower cabinets for some nail polish. Clean fingernails came as a requirement in my profession, so I rarely put any polish on my nails. But tomorrow is special. After some rummaging, I finally found some half-used bottles. Among the colors was a light pink hue, and I thought it was the perfect color to go with the dress. As I opened the bottle to start painting, my phone rang.
Calling >>> 34
A smile broke out on my face. All it took was his nickname to flash on my phone screen.
“Hello?”
“Kokoro-san? It’s me.” His sweet voice met my ears and my toes curled once more.
“Sho-san,” I smiled.
“Sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”
“That’s okay.”
“I missed hearing your voice.”
And just like that, he takes me by surprise and sweeps me off my feet.
“Could you meet me at 10:00AM in front of your apartment?”
“H-Here?”
“I’ll come get you.”
“10:00AM, okay!” With an actual meeting time, tomorrow finally felt real.
“Oh, also,” he continued, “Bring a change of clothes.”
Thump, went my heart.
“Kokoro-san?” Apparently, I had been surprised silent. He called my name to make sure I was still there.
“Huh? O-Oh, yeah, okay…”
I heard him laughing on the other end of the line. Surely, it was in jest for my apparent lack of composure. “See you tomorrow, Kokoro-san.”
Tomorrow couldn’t come sooner.
--
9:50AM.
I checked my watch and headed out. My feet weren’t used to such feminine heels, or shoes, for that matter. I walked carefully to the elevator and pressed the main floor button. In one hand was my purse, in the other, a small duffel bag.
“Bring a change of clothes.”
His words buzzed in my ears and accelerated my heart rate. When the chime rang to tell me I had arrived, I took a deep breath and stepped outside.
When I opened the main door, he was already waiting, his body leaning against his car. Seeing me, he started walking over.
“Good morning, Kokoro-san,” he greeted. “Here.” Effortlessly, he took the duffel bag out of my right hand and walked me over to his car.
“Morning. Did you wait long?”
“I just got here,” he replied, as he opened the trunk. Whether that was truth or kindness speaking, I didn’t know, but I smiled.
After closing the trunk, he walked over to the passenger’s seat side and opened the door. Then, he tilted his head to one side and stared at me.
“…I-Is something wrong? Do I look weird?”
His eyes moved down my body and back up to my face, but there was no indecency about it. He blinked a few times and chuckled through his nose.
“You’re exceptionally cute today.”
The blood rushed to my cheeks and I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Come on,” he gestured with his hand. I climbed into the car, covering my legs with the hem of the dress awkwardly. I am totally not used to this, clearly.
But he didn’t say anything about it. Walking back to his side of the car, he climbed into the driver’s seat and fastened his seatbelt. That’s when it dawned on me.
“What are we doing today?” It surprised me that I didn’t even think to ask until now.
“You’ll know in a bit.” All I got was his usual reply, and yet, I couldn’t hide the happiness on my face. He had thought of a date plan for me. I knew now that that was what he was saying between the lines.
--
The drive lasted about 20 minutes or so. He found a parking lot and reversed into it effortlessly. During the ride over, he told me that he had bought sugar cubes and some creamer for his house.
“…Hm?”
“Doesn’t someone like cream and sugar in her coffee?”
My heart brimmed with joy. He was thinking about me. I knew now that that was what he was saying between the lines.
“Ready?” He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached into the backseat for his Porter shoulder bag.
I watched his movements. His Adam’s apple moved as the line of his neck down to his collarbones invited my gaze. In my shyness, I didn’t notice what he was wearing until now: a knitted v-neck sweater that brought out the browns of his eyes, and dark, distressed jeans. It was a simple outfit, but having never seen him in this setting, I couldn’t help but notice the little things. Like how the necklace around his neck was just long enough to hide underneath the v-neck. Or how the shape of his shoulders and arms sometimes surfaced underneath the sweater. Or how masculine his fingers looked as they grabbed for his bag.
That’s when I heard a familiar chuckle. “This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me outside of work, Kokoro-san.”
With a statement that seemed to have read my mind, I shook myself from the daze. “Sorry, I just…”
“Come on.” He made his way to my side of the car and opened the door.
I stepped out and stood beside him. Thanks to my heels, I noticed that his face was closer to mine than usual. His neck smelled like his cologne and made me feel a little dizzy. After closing the door, he walked a few steps in front of me to lead the way. From what I could tell, this was just a pay-per-hour parking lot. I still didn’t know where we were going.
“Kokoro-san.” He turned back around and called my name.
“Hm?”
Without saying a word, he stretched out his right hand and waited. C-Could this mean... I inched closer and shyly met it with my left hand. His fingers weaved through and his grip was firm. When I met his gaze, he was smiling lovingly.
He led the way. With all the twists and turns, I knew I would have gotten lost without him. After about five minutes, his pace came to a halt in front of a women’s clothing store.
“First stop,” he said.
I looked into the display window. The first thing to meet my eyes was a mannequin wearing a white lace baby doll. My eyes widened in terror and I snapped my hand out of his.
“W-W…Wait…” I hesitated. “Is t-this what y-you’re into?” If my choppy sentences are any indication, yes, I am indeed about to have a heart attack.
Catching on quickly, he grabbed the hand that had gotten loose and squeezed it gently. “If it were, would you be willing to wear something like that for me?” He looked back at the baby doll on the mannequin for a moment, then back at me, lips curling slightly.
My cheeks were burning with embarrassment. In all honesty, the outfit I was wearing right now was as girly as I got. Then, I recalled that he had already seen me in my oh-so-not-sexy beige underwear and I could tell that even my ears were turning red. But, I also hadn’t forgotten that he had called me “exceptionally cute” in this dress. If this is what he likes, then I want to try to be that girl for him.
I took a deep breath. “I…f you like that sort of thing…” I pursed my lips and kept my eyes on the ground.
“This is new, isn’t it?” He reached for the sleeves on my dress with his free hand and felt the fabric. “Did you buy it for today’s date?”
I immediately looked up at him. “How did you know…?”
“One day, you won’t need me to remind you that I’m a good guesser.”
I let out a shy chuckle. “I’m not good at being girly…” I confessed. I looked away again. He was so charming and suave. I spent extra time on my hair today. I did my nails, too. Although I normally don’t wear much makeup, I added eyeshadow and some tinted lip gloss to my routine. Sho-san, did you know that? I want to be a woman suited to walk beside you. And I was trying. Really hard. But as he once told me, “A lie will always find a way out.” Disappointed at myself, I couldn’t bring my gaze to meet him.
A gentle breeze combed through my hair. His hand floated up and fixed the bangs that got in the way of my eyes. “Kokoro-san.”
“…Yes?” I didn’t have the courage to look up.
“Look at me.” His voice was inviting, and his hand gave mine a little squeeze.
I bit my lips tightly and slowly met his gaze.
“I chose you.” His eyes looked like marbles reflecting the determination in his soul. “You’re mine. I would brag about you to all my friends even if you showed up in sweats today.”
I could feel tears welling up. I clenched my jaw to keep them from spilling over. I spent a good while doing my makeup, you know. Why do you have to make me cry?
“They have lounge wear in the back of the store.” His eyes didn’t look away. “You wear what makes you comfortable.”
The kindness in his words squeezed at my heart tightly. “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?” His words were so different from the rest. What had I done to deserve such a beautiful soul? The hand that held mine led me into the store. As I followed him, his broad shoulders seemed to tell me that he accepts me just as I am. I let a single tear roll down my cheeks, then quickly wiped it away with my free hand.
“Good morning, how are you today?” Like my experience looking for this dress, a feminine voice greeted us as we made our way through the doors. The staff member was a slender girl wearing a bubble skirt made of tulle. She had the face of a doll, I thought. I tried to keep my insecurities at bay once more.
“We’re doing great, thanks,” he answered for both of us.
“Is there anything you’re looking for in particular?” she asked.
“Your loungewear collection is in the back, right?” He pointed toward the back of the store.
“That’s correct. I’ll show you the way.” She escorted us over to a section that clearly carried a lot more fabric per square footage of body. “This is Esther, our new line of loungewear. We have a weekday sale, it’s buy one set of lounge wear, get any lingerie for 50% off. Let me know if you have any questions.”
You could say I was cowering behind Sho-san. It was strange, I know. Why is the girl looking more uncomfortable than the guy in a lingerie store?
“Take a look,” he suggested. “They have really cute stuff here.”
I nodded awkwardly and began browsing the Esther line. One touch of the fabric and I was in love. It felt so soft and comfortable. The sleeves went down to the wrists, and you could choose between shorts and pants. How kind of them.
“…How about these?” I picked out a navy blue set. The Esther top was flowy, with a hem cut that gave it just the right amount of femininity. The collar was slightly on the wide side, but it did leave most to the imagination, so to speak. The pants were stretchy and comfortable, with tiny, white sailboat patterns on it.
“Want to try it on?” He had been browsing the same area but looked my way as soon as he’d heard my voice.
He had the staff member prepare a dressing room for me. Once inside, I closed the door behind me and got ready to try it on.
“Kokoro-san?” I heard his voice just outside the door.
“Y-Yes?” Even though I knew he couldn’t see, I braced my arms in front of my chest with the dress I had just taken off.
“I’d like to see it, if you’re okay with that.”
I paused in place. If I like it, he’s going to see me in it, anyway. “Okay,” I nodded.
I slipped into the top and pulled up the bottoms. The fabric enveloped me like a cloud. It felt divine.
“U-Uh… I’m ready.” I cleared my throat.
“Okay.”
I carefully opened the door and curled my shoulders forward shyly. I could feel his eyes on me.
“I like it a lot,” he said without a hint of hesitation.
“…Really?” My eyes fluttered at his words.
“That’s a really nice color on you, too.”
My toes curled and my heart knew what that meant. Before I knew it, I was smiling again. I changed back into my dress and walked out with the loungewear.
“Just these?” He took the hanger from my hands and draped the fabric over his other arm.
“Yeah, those were nice,” I replied.
“All right,” he smiled. Then, he walked over to the counter and paid for it.
“W-Wait, I’ll get it,” I protested.
“I said I’d get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over, didn’t I?” He pushed the wallet back into my purse. “Can’t I buy nice things for my girlfriend?”
Every sweet gesture and every kind word was too much for my heart to handle. I was not used to being treated like this. As we left the shop, he grabbed the paper bag and held the door open for me.
“Want to know a perk of being with me?” He held out his other hand and waited for me to hold it. His were warm and my fingers tingled at his touch.
“…Hm?”
“My clients are all women. Do you know what that means?” He raised his eyebrows.
I shook my head.
“That means all their stories about their lives have shaped who I am today.”
“What do you mean?” I asked for clarification.
“I would hope that those countless hours at work have somehow taught me a thing or two about how to treat a woman,” he chuckled.
Of course. Yes, of course. Why hadn’t I thought that before?
“Plus,” he continued, “I hear about all these nice places to shop for stuff.” He raised the paper bag as proof.
My expression melted into a smile. “I guess I should be thanking them, then.”
“I never had the chance to do this for anyone before.” His hand pulled me closer to his side. “I can finally put my knowledge into action.” He laughed at his own statement.
As for me? Well. I just got to see his smiling face again. If—even in the smallest way— I were the reason that he was smiling… I let the thought linger in the air as I followed his lead down the street.
“Hungry?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Today’s lunch is brought to you by Mrs. Takeda, a long-time client of mine,” he joked.
I giggled, face brimming with the happiness of being with him. “Well, then. Thank you, Mrs. Takeda!” I chimed in.
As we continued walking toward our next destination, I thought I had seen yet another side of him. I held his hand a little tighter and hoped that he wouldn’t ask why. Sho-san. Do you know how happy you make me?
Rating: R for whole series, PG-13 for Ch.11
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 6,384
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10
Chapter Eleven: Between The Lines
**Translator's Note: In the Kanto region of Japan, a huge majority of hair salons are closed on Tuesdays.**
The warm sunlight leaking in from the window was what awoke me. A big yawn escaped my mouth as I stretched out my arms and legs. Hm? The covers felt a lot softer than what I was used to, and it smelled faintly of spicy amber. My eyes snapped open as if someone had surprised me. In my vision entered a man securing the curtains open.
“Good morning,” he said softly.
I quickly sat up and greeted him.
He chuckled and walked over to the bed. “That was an epic yawn.”
Dang it. He saw me.
“Heh…” I laughed nervously.
His hand landed softly on top of my head as his fingers began to fix my bed hair. “You sleep okay?”
“Yeah…” I sat there as his fingers made their way through my hair and wondered if I were still dreaming. I had never woken up to such a honeyed morning before.
“Want any coffee?”
He walked over to his side of the bed where his watch collection was, and picked out a Breguet XX. Never mind that if I ever bought a Breguet, I’d be left broke without a home. Why dwell on the technicalities when the man wearing it is far more beautiful than the watch? As I gazed at him put it on his wrist, I saw a glimpse of his professionalism, a side I hadn’t really noticed before. He had on a blue-checkered dress shirt with a light gray tailored jacket, both accentuating the breadth of his shoulders, the thickness of his chest, and the gentle curve of his waist. His matching dress pants outlined his hips and thighs, bringing a masculine eroticism to the look.
“It’s not nice to stare,” he smiled playfully.
I snapped out of the daze. “S-Sorry.” I couldn’t help myself. What’s wrong with checking out my boyfriend? I smiled at the thought.
“Coffee?” he asked again.
“Yes, I’d love some.”
He nodded and turned to go to the kitchen. I got out of bed, fixed the sheets, and looked at the two pillows lying side by side. Sometimes, you find joy in the smallest things. This was one of those things.
I walked out his room, down the hallway, and into the living room. The aroma of vanilla nut coffee tickled my nose.
“Here you go.” He reached his arms out to pass me a white mug. “Milk or sugar?”
“Yes, please, to both.” It smelled like a divine morning.
“Here.” He placed a milk carton, a bag of sugar, and a spoon on the coffee table. “I take it black, so this is all I’ve got.”
I smiled, not just because it was refreshing to see him stumbling a little in his hospitality, but also because I just found out another fact about him. How many others know that you like black coffee? I stored that tidbit safely in my mind and scooped some sugar out of the bag.
“Mm, this is really good coffee, Sho-san,” I said eagerly.
But when I said this, I noticed that he was staring at me.
“…I-Is there something on my face?” I rubbed my cheeks just in case.
He burst into laughter. “I had totally forgotten about those pants.”
My jaw dropped defiantly. “It’s not nice to stare!” If I can’t stare at you, then you can’t get away with staring at me!
He took a sip of his coffee without looking away. “Looks like I’ll have to get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over.”
I nearly dropped my mug. F-For when I come over? What are you implying…?
Unfazed as usual, he took another sip of his drink and walked over toward me. In my haste to fix the bed, I failed to realize that his t-shirt was now sliding off one of my shoulders, exposing my collarbones. Without any hesitation, he bowed down to kiss me there.
“I don’t have to practice restraint anymore, do I?” The smell of coffee lingered about. His free hand gently fixed my shirt, covering my once exposed collarbone.
The room suddenly felt warm and the place where he had planted the kiss was burning from his touch. Is he always this sweet in the mornings? I sighed, fully content.
“Did you want anything to eat? I usually just make toast.” He walked back into the kitchen and I heard the rustling of a plastic bag.
“Oh, um… sure, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“You can get ready while I make it,” he stopped me right before I stepped foot into his kitchen.
“Do you need help?” I asked in an effort to be polite.
“I’m no cook, but I think I can manage this,” he chuckled.
“Right.” I nodded and turned to make my way toward the bathroom. After closing the door behind me, I realized that the only change of clothes I had were the ones I was wearing yesterday. Shoot. At this point, I had no choice. I pulled his t-shirt over my head and put on my blouse. His pajama pants didn’t need much help slipping down to the floor. I pulled my skinny jeans up and looked into the mirror. Luckily, I had brought my makeup back with me. After applying some foundation, blush, and eyeliner, I tossed my hair a bit and braided it from the back down to one side of my body. Now that I was a little more presentable, I headed back toward the living room feeling a little more confident.
“Mm.” He noticed I had returned and stopped his hands. My heart fluttered at the sight. Dangling around his neck was a simple, dark brown necktie. There was something in the fabric that gave it an opalescent quality, and it glimmered with his every movement. In his mouth was a slice of toast, which told me he had been busying his hands with something else. It had been years since I had seen a man getting ready in the morning. Without realizing it, my heart had picked up speed.
He took the toast out of his mouth and pointed to the counter with it. “Yours is over there.”
I followed his gesture and saw that next to the toast was a jar of jam that looked as though it had never been opened. “Thanks,” I smiled.
“Do you like jam? Strawberry’s all I had.”
I looked his way again and noticed that the toast in his hand was slightly burnt. On my plate was a perfectly toasted slice. “Um, Sho-san?”
“Hm?” He had taken a bite of his. I pointed to my slice and then at his, and he seemed to figure out what I wanted to say. “I told you I can’t cook.”
I bit my lips to keep the smile from bursting open. The perfect man, the #1 host of Akatsuki, just burnt his toast. The fact was so endearing that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The smile exploded on my face.
“That’s silly,” I giggled. It made me feel special to be able to see this side of him.
He made his way over to me with his toast in hand. “Is this funny to you?” The corners of his mouth were curling curiously.
“Yeah, kinda.” I covered my mouth with my hand to try and be polite. But suddenly, he put his toast down on the plate, on top of mine, and pulled that hand toward him. I felt my body swinging forward and into his chest. And just like that, he had embraced me.
“It’s not nice to laugh at someone’s misery, is it?” I felt his chin on top of my head.
I was about to apologize when I remembered something. “You did it, too.”
“What, with those pajama pants?” he chuckled.
See, you’re not even denying it.
“Yeah.” I pouted even though I knew he couldn’t see my face. My ear was leaning against his chest and I could hear his strong and steady heartbeat. Quite contrary to my racing one, I thought.
“I did offer a solution for that,” he reminded.
“Looks like I’ll have to get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over.” His words ricocheted in my mind like a ping-pong ball.
“S-So?” I tried to keep my cool.
“Don’t you have a solution for me?” He let go of me but kept my body close.
I caught him staring inquisitively. “Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He reached behind my head and picked up his toast again. Then, bringing his lips to my ears, he whispered, “You could come over more often and cook for me instead?”
I froze in place. His warm breath left a tingling sensation there. When I looked at him, he was already taking another bite of his toast as if nothing had happened. He was always in control. And yet. I no longer minded.
“I’ve got an appointment this morning,” he said, still standing in front of me. “Do you have work today?”
Still lingering on his suggestion, it took me a few seconds before I realized he had said something else.
“Sorry, what?”
His smirk said it all. He was thoroughly enjoying the power he had over me. Another bite later, he repeated his question.
I looked at the time. 8:14AM. My shift didn’t start until 11:00AM, but I didn’t want to keep him from starting his day. “Yeah. Let me gather my things, I don’t want to keep you.”
“I’ll take you,” he smiled.
He had a way of throwing me off my train of thought, and he had done it again. One moment, he’s smirking away, then, he turns around and flashes that genuine smile. There was no staying mad at him. How could I say ‘no’?
“…Sure.”
This is far better than my usual morning routine, I thought. I didn’t want to speak too soon, but I let myself dwell on the thought. As nervous as I was, I encouraged myself to be vulnerable. I could get used to this. I spread some jam onto my toast and took a bite.
“Mmm!” I squealed.
“Good?”
“This jam is so good! Not too sweet, you know, some jams just taste like syrup. I can actually taste the sourness of the fruit. And the bread is fluffy on the inside even though the outside is perfectly crispy. I wonder if they use a different mix of flour…”
I heard him giggling as he finished the last bite of his.
“What’s so funny?” I puffed my cheeks.
“You’re cute when you talk about food,” he licked his fingers of the crumbs.
I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a playful, challenging glare. “I won’t cook for you if you make fun of me.”
But he stood there, unaffected by my feeble threat. Instead, he busied his hands and began to knot the tie around his neck. I watched as his slender, masculine fingers moved in a motion they were clearly used to, swooping the longer end under and over, and before I could blink, a clean, Half-Windsor knot rested neatly at the base of his neck. Perhaps I had been staring too long. He noticed my gaze and leaned in to look at me.
“I guess that means you won’t get to see me get ready in the mornings, either.” He pushed his lips out provocatively, challenging my previous comment.
“No, wait…!” I grabbed the loose part of his button-down shirt near the elbows. I looked down at my feet in defeat. “I didn’t mean what I said…”
He bit his lips in satisfaction, mouth curling at the edges. “Look who’s honest this morning.” Then, he used his free arm to pull me in closer, only millimeters away from his body. Freeing my hand, he caressed it with his thumb. His smirk slowly metamorphosed into an endearing smile, and I felt as though my mind were melting from the heat.
This is what you do, and you do it impeccably. I’ve come to know that about you, Sho-san. There’s a deep warmth to your kindness. That’s why I can’t win with you, but that’s okay. I’ll accept defeat if that means I get to see you smile at me like that.
--
“It’s this salon right here,” I said, as I pointed out the window at my workplace.
It was nearly 8:45AM when we had arrived there. He put his hazards on and pulled up to the curb.
“You’re a hair stylist?” His question made me realize I hadn’t disclosed that information yet.
“I can’t believe I never told you…” I said, bewildered.
“Maybe you can cut my hair next time,” he suggested. “I’m due for one, anyway.” He combed through his bangs.
I could feel my pulse thumping in my fingers. “Sure.” The thought of touching his hair sent tingling sensations all the way down my hands.
“Kokoro-san.”
“Y-Yes?” I wondered how long we’d have to date before I finally got used to him calling me by my name.
“What are you doing next Tuesday?”
“Tuesday?” I thought forward several days. “Nothing so far. Why?”
“Well, you don’t have work on Tuesdays, do you?” **
For a second, I wondered how he knew that. Was he just accurate with his guessing game again? But as I followed his gaze out toward the hair salon, I deduced his thought process.
“Leave that day open,” he said casually.
“…Why?” Anticipation grew with each rushing heartbeat.
“I want to take you out on a date.” He arched his eyebrows ever so slightly, eyes scanning my expression for a reply.
I felt my heart punching at my ribcage. Luckily enough, I was wearing closed-toed ballet flats; otherwise, my curling toes would have given away the excitement in my bones.
“What do you say?” he smiled.
“…I’d love that.” I hope I didn’t sound too excited, I thought, as I smiled back at him.
“I’ll call you with details later, then.” His fingers made their way to the loose strands caught in my eyelashes. After neatly tucking them away behind my ears, his fingers lingered at the edge of my jawline.
“S…ho-san…?”
As if he knew exactly what I wanted, he leaned in and left the softest kiss I had ever experienced. My lips burned and yearned for more.
“Be good, Kokoro-san.” His fingers slid away as he leaned back in his own seat.
All I could manage was a feeble nod. As I opened the door to exit his car, I saw him raise a part of his hand from the handle to signal farewell. The smile on his face was so warm and gentle, my toes curled in my shoes again. His car weaved back into oncoming traffic and I watched it disappear into a right turn. Happiness overwhelmed me. I get to see him again on Tuesday. With a skip in my step, I headed for the salon.
--
After work, I decided to stop by a department store. Embarrassingly enough, at the age of 33, I had forgotten what it was like to go on a date. What Sho-san had referred to as a date in the past was different. That was a group outing, I thought. This? Now, this was a completely different story. It was going to be our very first date.
My wardrobe throughout the years had become a collection of what I considered “comfortable” and “modest,” miles and miles away from what any girl should be wearing on her very first date. What I had worn to the group outing was about the only thing that had even the slightest chance of getting a passing grade. Nervous and not knowing where to start, I browsed through some of the shops and looked at the mannequins for some ideas.
After walking around the department store for some time, I came across a light pink dress. It was adorned with lace and everything about it screamed girly. The sleeves were flowy as it cuffed at the wrists, and the length of the hem seemed to graze just above the knee. I walked into the store, but not without hesitation. Still in the same clothes as yesterday, I felt inappropriate stepping in.
Back in my student years, I was the girl in class with whom the boys felt comfortable speaking…which is to say, they didn’t see me in that way. I was pretty good at sports, and unlike the other girls in class, I didn’t mind getting treated like one of the boys. While they went easy on the cute girls in class, when it came to me, they wouldn’t think twice. “You’re comfortable to be around, Nijishima.” I remembered a guy in class telling me. “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?”
So, it was with great courage I even stepped foot in this store. I took the dress sleeves in my hands and felt the daintiness of it. It seemed to have a fragility that my personality clearly didn’t possess. Maybe I’m trying too hard. As I was about to walk away, a staff called to me.
“It’s an adorable dress, isn’t it?” She smiled, her rosy cheeks glowing. Standing there was a character straight out of a manga, I thought. Her hair was flowy and soft, her glossy lips delectable, her small frame accentuating the puffiness of the knitted top she was wearing, her slender legs reaching a pair of light brown booties that seemed like they had hardly been worn. Ah. THIS is the kind of girl who would look good in a dress like this. I smiled nervously at her. My insecurities were surfacing their ugly heads again.
“Y-Yeah, it is…” I let go of the hand touching the dress.
“Would you like to try it on? We have two other colors, but the light pink is our top seller.” She shuffled through the clothing rack and pulled out the other two colors. One was a light purple, and the other was off-white. Of course. The dress only came in soft, feminine colors.
“Uh… n-no, that’s okay,” I shook my head. I bowed to thank her.
“Are you sure? I think the light pink would work really well with your skin tone,” she pressed.
I looked back at the one adorning the mannequin. Do you like feminine women, Sho-san? As the question circled around in my head, I felt a small voice whisper, “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?”
I took a deep breath. “…Okay, I’ll try that one.” My finger shyly pointed at the mannequin.
“I’ll get a room ready for you,” the girl smiled widely. The sound of her boots echoed in my head.
Once inside the dressing room, I felt a little more at ease. Even if it ends up looking terrible on me, I’d be the only person to see it, I assured myself. After undressing myself, I carefully took the dress in my hands. My workers’ hands just weren’t capable of making this garment look feminine. Though hesitant, I stepped into the dress and zipped the back.
In the mirror was a woman who looked like she had never seen her reflection before. Her face looked surprised, but also not as stern as it was before. She moved around awkwardly, testing the length of the hem as it swayed side to side with each step. Her fidgety hands pulled at the sleeves.
“How’s everything going in there?” I heard the same girly voice just outside the dressing room door.
“U-Uh, I’m fine!” I stammered.
“Please feel free to come out and look at the outfit in a different lighting,” she invited.
I stared at my reflection for a few moments longer. Standing here looking at myself isn’t going to make me feel any less insecure, I told myself. I unlocked the door and slowly stepped out.
“Oh, wow! That looks so cute on you!” The girl clasped her dainty hands across her chest as she watched me move nervously. “I knew that color would work well with your skin tone!”
Please. You’re paid to say that.
And yet, her words seemed to silence the doubting voices in my head, even if only for a moment. For that, I was grateful.
“…You sure I can pull this off?” I laughed uncomfortably.
“You have really slender legs, Miss. I think you should show them off more.” Her smile seemed genuine, but all I could do was keep the heat from rising to my head.
The girl left my side for a moment and came back with a light heather grey cardigan. “Is this for a special occasion?”
Special occasion. I thought for a moment. “…Yeah. It is.”
“You can wear something like this over the dress.” She reached her hand out to place the cardigan against my body. “It’ll tone down the femininity of the dress a little bit, if that’s something you’re worried about.”
This girl must have top sales at this store, I thought. The way she was able to decipher my nervousness from my body language, how she casually suggested this cardigan as if she knew I wasn’t used to this kind of outfit, even the gentle smile on her face told me that her intentions were good. I took the grey cardigan from her and put it on. The hem was long and asymmetrical, longer in the back and tapering down to fit snugly around my hips. Sure enough, it made me feel a little more comfortable, a little more reserved.
“Very elegant,” she stated.
I couldn’t help but smile at her. “You’re very good. I’ll take both.”
--
Tonight was one of those nights where I didn’t feel that hungry. It was only 7:30PM, so I decided to look around some more. I passed by a shoe store displaying dainty heels and boots. On the way out from the clothing store, the girl left me with sound advice.
“If it’s a date, I recommend heels with this dress.”
By the end of the night, I ended up buying a pair of modest gray heels to match my outfit and a slightly sexy bra and undies set. Now that I knew it was okay to desire him physically, I thought it would make sense to have at least one set of provocative undergarments. Not that I’m expecting anything. Even as I told myself so, my heart was fluttering at the hopes that Tuesday night would lead to something like that. These purchased items were all part of my intricate plan. He's always around gorgeous women. If I don’t step up my game, he may lose interest, I feared.
--
A few, uneventful days passed and it was already Monday night. Although he had texted me every now and then, he hadn’t called me since he dropped me off at work.
“Excited for Tuesday.”
That was his last text, sent on Sunday. He must be busy, I thought. I’m going to spend extra time getting ready for tomorrow, I told myself. I began with a long bath to relax my muscles. Then, I looked around my shower cabinets for some nail polish. Clean fingernails came as a requirement in my profession, so I rarely put any polish on my nails. But tomorrow is special. After some rummaging, I finally found some half-used bottles. Among the colors was a light pink hue, and I thought it was the perfect color to go with the dress. As I opened the bottle to start painting, my phone rang.
Calling >>> 34
A smile broke out on my face. All it took was his nickname to flash on my phone screen.
“Hello?”
“Kokoro-san? It’s me.” His sweet voice met my ears and my toes curled once more.
“Sho-san,” I smiled.
“Sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”
“That’s okay.”
“I missed hearing your voice.”
And just like that, he takes me by surprise and sweeps me off my feet.
“Could you meet me at 10:00AM in front of your apartment?”
“H-Here?”
“I’ll come get you.”
“10:00AM, okay!” With an actual meeting time, tomorrow finally felt real.
“Oh, also,” he continued, “Bring a change of clothes.”
Thump, went my heart.
“Kokoro-san?” Apparently, I had been surprised silent. He called my name to make sure I was still there.
“Huh? O-Oh, yeah, okay…”
I heard him laughing on the other end of the line. Surely, it was in jest for my apparent lack of composure. “See you tomorrow, Kokoro-san.”
Tomorrow couldn’t come sooner.
--
9:50AM.
I checked my watch and headed out. My feet weren’t used to such feminine heels, or shoes, for that matter. I walked carefully to the elevator and pressed the main floor button. In one hand was my purse, in the other, a small duffel bag.
“Bring a change of clothes.”
His words buzzed in my ears and accelerated my heart rate. When the chime rang to tell me I had arrived, I took a deep breath and stepped outside.
When I opened the main door, he was already waiting, his body leaning against his car. Seeing me, he started walking over.
“Good morning, Kokoro-san,” he greeted. “Here.” Effortlessly, he took the duffel bag out of my right hand and walked me over to his car.
“Morning. Did you wait long?”
“I just got here,” he replied, as he opened the trunk. Whether that was truth or kindness speaking, I didn’t know, but I smiled.
After closing the trunk, he walked over to the passenger’s seat side and opened the door. Then, he tilted his head to one side and stared at me.
“…I-Is something wrong? Do I look weird?”
His eyes moved down my body and back up to my face, but there was no indecency about it. He blinked a few times and chuckled through his nose.
“You’re exceptionally cute today.”
The blood rushed to my cheeks and I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Come on,” he gestured with his hand. I climbed into the car, covering my legs with the hem of the dress awkwardly. I am totally not used to this, clearly.
But he didn’t say anything about it. Walking back to his side of the car, he climbed into the driver’s seat and fastened his seatbelt. That’s when it dawned on me.
“What are we doing today?” It surprised me that I didn’t even think to ask until now.
“You’ll know in a bit.” All I got was his usual reply, and yet, I couldn’t hide the happiness on my face. He had thought of a date plan for me. I knew now that that was what he was saying between the lines.
--
The drive lasted about 20 minutes or so. He found a parking lot and reversed into it effortlessly. During the ride over, he told me that he had bought sugar cubes and some creamer for his house.
“…Hm?”
“Doesn’t someone like cream and sugar in her coffee?”
My heart brimmed with joy. He was thinking about me. I knew now that that was what he was saying between the lines.
“Ready?” He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached into the backseat for his Porter shoulder bag.
I watched his movements. His Adam’s apple moved as the line of his neck down to his collarbones invited my gaze. In my shyness, I didn’t notice what he was wearing until now: a knitted v-neck sweater that brought out the browns of his eyes, and dark, distressed jeans. It was a simple outfit, but having never seen him in this setting, I couldn’t help but notice the little things. Like how the necklace around his neck was just long enough to hide underneath the v-neck. Or how the shape of his shoulders and arms sometimes surfaced underneath the sweater. Or how masculine his fingers looked as they grabbed for his bag.
That’s when I heard a familiar chuckle. “This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me outside of work, Kokoro-san.”
With a statement that seemed to have read my mind, I shook myself from the daze. “Sorry, I just…”
“Come on.” He made his way to my side of the car and opened the door.
I stepped out and stood beside him. Thanks to my heels, I noticed that his face was closer to mine than usual. His neck smelled like his cologne and made me feel a little dizzy. After closing the door, he walked a few steps in front of me to lead the way. From what I could tell, this was just a pay-per-hour parking lot. I still didn’t know where we were going.
“Kokoro-san.” He turned back around and called my name.
“Hm?”
Without saying a word, he stretched out his right hand and waited. C-Could this mean... I inched closer and shyly met it with my left hand. His fingers weaved through and his grip was firm. When I met his gaze, he was smiling lovingly.
He led the way. With all the twists and turns, I knew I would have gotten lost without him. After about five minutes, his pace came to a halt in front of a women’s clothing store.
“First stop,” he said.
I looked into the display window. The first thing to meet my eyes was a mannequin wearing a white lace baby doll. My eyes widened in terror and I snapped my hand out of his.
“W-W…Wait…” I hesitated. “Is t-this what y-you’re into?” If my choppy sentences are any indication, yes, I am indeed about to have a heart attack.
Catching on quickly, he grabbed the hand that had gotten loose and squeezed it gently. “If it were, would you be willing to wear something like that for me?” He looked back at the baby doll on the mannequin for a moment, then back at me, lips curling slightly.
My cheeks were burning with embarrassment. In all honesty, the outfit I was wearing right now was as girly as I got. Then, I recalled that he had already seen me in my oh-so-not-sexy beige underwear and I could tell that even my ears were turning red. But, I also hadn’t forgotten that he had called me “exceptionally cute” in this dress. If this is what he likes, then I want to try to be that girl for him.
I took a deep breath. “I…f you like that sort of thing…” I pursed my lips and kept my eyes on the ground.
“This is new, isn’t it?” He reached for the sleeves on my dress with his free hand and felt the fabric. “Did you buy it for today’s date?”
I immediately looked up at him. “How did you know…?”
“One day, you won’t need me to remind you that I’m a good guesser.”
I let out a shy chuckle. “I’m not good at being girly…” I confessed. I looked away again. He was so charming and suave. I spent extra time on my hair today. I did my nails, too. Although I normally don’t wear much makeup, I added eyeshadow and some tinted lip gloss to my routine. Sho-san, did you know that? I want to be a woman suited to walk beside you. And I was trying. Really hard. But as he once told me, “A lie will always find a way out.” Disappointed at myself, I couldn’t bring my gaze to meet him.
A gentle breeze combed through my hair. His hand floated up and fixed the bangs that got in the way of my eyes. “Kokoro-san.”
“…Yes?” I didn’t have the courage to look up.
“Look at me.” His voice was inviting, and his hand gave mine a little squeeze.
I bit my lips tightly and slowly met his gaze.
“I chose you.” His eyes looked like marbles reflecting the determination in his soul. “You’re mine. I would brag about you to all my friends even if you showed up in sweats today.”
I could feel tears welling up. I clenched my jaw to keep them from spilling over. I spent a good while doing my makeup, you know. Why do you have to make me cry?
“They have lounge wear in the back of the store.” His eyes didn’t look away. “You wear what makes you comfortable.”
The kindness in his words squeezed at my heart tightly. “But comfortable doesn’t attract us, you know?” His words were so different from the rest. What had I done to deserve such a beautiful soul? The hand that held mine led me into the store. As I followed him, his broad shoulders seemed to tell me that he accepts me just as I am. I let a single tear roll down my cheeks, then quickly wiped it away with my free hand.
“Good morning, how are you today?” Like my experience looking for this dress, a feminine voice greeted us as we made our way through the doors. The staff member was a slender girl wearing a bubble skirt made of tulle. She had the face of a doll, I thought. I tried to keep my insecurities at bay once more.
“We’re doing great, thanks,” he answered for both of us.
“Is there anything you’re looking for in particular?” she asked.
“Your loungewear collection is in the back, right?” He pointed toward the back of the store.
“That’s correct. I’ll show you the way.” She escorted us over to a section that clearly carried a lot more fabric per square footage of body. “This is Esther, our new line of loungewear. We have a weekday sale, it’s buy one set of lounge wear, get any lingerie for 50% off. Let me know if you have any questions.”
You could say I was cowering behind Sho-san. It was strange, I know. Why is the girl looking more uncomfortable than the guy in a lingerie store?
“Take a look,” he suggested. “They have really cute stuff here.”
I nodded awkwardly and began browsing the Esther line. One touch of the fabric and I was in love. It felt so soft and comfortable. The sleeves went down to the wrists, and you could choose between shorts and pants. How kind of them.
“…How about these?” I picked out a navy blue set. The Esther top was flowy, with a hem cut that gave it just the right amount of femininity. The collar was slightly on the wide side, but it did leave most to the imagination, so to speak. The pants were stretchy and comfortable, with tiny, white sailboat patterns on it.
“Want to try it on?” He had been browsing the same area but looked my way as soon as he’d heard my voice.
He had the staff member prepare a dressing room for me. Once inside, I closed the door behind me and got ready to try it on.
“Kokoro-san?” I heard his voice just outside the door.
“Y-Yes?” Even though I knew he couldn’t see, I braced my arms in front of my chest with the dress I had just taken off.
“I’d like to see it, if you’re okay with that.”
I paused in place. If I like it, he’s going to see me in it, anyway. “Okay,” I nodded.
I slipped into the top and pulled up the bottoms. The fabric enveloped me like a cloud. It felt divine.
“U-Uh… I’m ready.” I cleared my throat.
“Okay.”
I carefully opened the door and curled my shoulders forward shyly. I could feel his eyes on me.
“I like it a lot,” he said without a hint of hesitation.
“…Really?” My eyes fluttered at his words.
“That’s a really nice color on you, too.”
My toes curled and my heart knew what that meant. Before I knew it, I was smiling again. I changed back into my dress and walked out with the loungewear.
“Just these?” He took the hanger from my hands and draped the fabric over his other arm.
“Yeah, those were nice,” I replied.
“All right,” he smiled. Then, he walked over to the counter and paid for it.
“W-Wait, I’ll get it,” I protested.
“I said I’d get you some better fitting pajama pants for when you come over, didn’t I?” He pushed the wallet back into my purse. “Can’t I buy nice things for my girlfriend?”
Every sweet gesture and every kind word was too much for my heart to handle. I was not used to being treated like this. As we left the shop, he grabbed the paper bag and held the door open for me.
“Want to know a perk of being with me?” He held out his other hand and waited for me to hold it. His were warm and my fingers tingled at his touch.
“…Hm?”
“My clients are all women. Do you know what that means?” He raised his eyebrows.
I shook my head.
“That means all their stories about their lives have shaped who I am today.”
“What do you mean?” I asked for clarification.
“I would hope that those countless hours at work have somehow taught me a thing or two about how to treat a woman,” he chuckled.
Of course. Yes, of course. Why hadn’t I thought that before?
“Plus,” he continued, “I hear about all these nice places to shop for stuff.” He raised the paper bag as proof.
My expression melted into a smile. “I guess I should be thanking them, then.”
“I never had the chance to do this for anyone before.” His hand pulled me closer to his side. “I can finally put my knowledge into action.” He laughed at his own statement.
As for me? Well. I just got to see his smiling face again. If—even in the smallest way— I were the reason that he was smiling… I let the thought linger in the air as I followed his lead down the street.
“Hungry?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Today’s lunch is brought to you by Mrs. Takeda, a long-time client of mine,” he joked.
I giggled, face brimming with the happiness of being with him. “Well, then. Thank you, Mrs. Takeda!” I chimed in.
As we continued walking toward our next destination, I thought I had seen yet another side of him. I held his hand a little tighter and hoped that he wouldn’t ask why. Sho-san. Do you know how happy you make me?
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Date: October 20th, 2016 09:59 (UTC)Kokoro's really being treated as a lady and someone who is loved.
He's just so good at taking care of her and he knows exactly what to say, what to do. It's amazing.
I'd say I see some similarities between myself and Kokoro. I quite understand how it is like being a bro to guys. My guy friends see me as one of them too. Plus, I get uncomfortable in, well, girly clothes.
This date feels so grown up yet comfortable, with touches of fanciness poking now and then. Must be fun.
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Date: October 20th, 2016 12:20 (UTC)This was such a great chapter!! I love how they are, I love how sho treats her! Kokoro is written to be such a lucky woman, I wanna be her!!
You've written sho so perfectly, flawless!!
Thank you for this yet another wonderful chapter :D
no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 12:58 (UTC)Well, I can relate with this part, being a girl whose friends are more on boys. Yeah, makes me more boyish. And till now, at the age of 25, didn't know how to do most of girly things like or say not used to do like make-up (even I need to) and even my posture is affected. hahhahahaha.
Hope I can find someone too, who can love my boyish side... hahahahahha
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Date: October 20th, 2016 15:11 (UTC)THE MORNING SCENE IS KILLING MEEEEE!!! i can picture it perfectly how the honeyed atmosphere is. the way he smirks (this is a must for every chapter lol), the way he laugh at kokoro, the small kiss he planted on her collarbone, the way he prepared toast for her, all the small things he done to her make me feel uuuuuhhh ;__; AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE KISS BEFORE THEY PARTED?? It's so short yet so sweet i can't even stop grinning, my heart thumping like crazy on that. as a fluff girl i'd like to say you successfully made my stomach filled with butterflies here and there <3
i can relate to Kokoro very well with the has-many-boy-friends-but-not-to-be-boyfriend status, and the way he treated her like a princess is a silent wish from people like us, boyish girl. so it's like this fanfic remind me how it feel to fell in love, i almost forget how it feels tho lol xD *sorry for the sudden cheesy comment lolol* omg Emkay seriously, can i have Sho-san as my boyf too? :( He's beyond perfect i can't describe him into words :( BUT YOU DID!!!
as i read this series i grew fonder to Sho-san as much as Kokoro did, and nobody can't help this <3 thank you for reminding me every time the next chapter is up! I always looking forward to seeing them! Thanks Emkay :3
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Date: October 20th, 2016 15:38 (UTC)I'm wondering how they date will end..
I hope with a very sexy way..
A different side of Sho here.. he's so cheerfull..
Looking forward for the next..
Can't wait.. I swear..
😁😁😁😁
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Date: October 20th, 2016 15:58 (UTC)no subject
Date: October 20th, 2016 21:43 (UTC)Thank you for writing, can't wait for the next chapter ^-^
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Date: October 21st, 2016 06:16 (UTC)Haaa, I can't wait for the next chapter. It seems like someone will appear? ;0
thanks for this!
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Date: October 26th, 2016 07:17 (UTC)no subject
Date: October 31st, 2016 06:14 (UTC)First, OMG this is so beautiful!!! I love the relationship progression between kooro and sho!!! Sho is truly a gentlemen for treating a lady like this. That's a new side of him that I would love to see more.
Second, I can really relate to kokoro as I have more guys friend than girls. Being a bit boyish, I would really love to have somebody that can understand the 'wild' side of me. Oh sho, be my partner please~~ ^^
I'm looking forward to how this date would end. It's so interesting.
Next chapter, I'm waiting~~
*I can't believe I miss this fic for months now!! Time to get back on track*
**for such a long months I've been missing this, this is a very short comment. Gomen... It should've been longer**
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Date: December 6th, 2016 01:07 (UTC)That's what I love about Sho-san, too, that he is always a step ahead of her, helping her feel more secure and comfortable in her own skin. <3 I love how you described the date, because that's what I was hoping for! I'm also glad to hear you can relate to Kokoro when it comes to girly clothes, hehe.
Ch.12 is ready to read now. Sorry for the long wait, thanks for your patience!
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Date: December 6th, 2016 01:10 (UTC)Ch.12 is ready now! Spot the cameo ;)
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:21 (UTC)That's okay! I don't really believe in changing yourself in hopes that someone might love you. Healthy relationships are with those who love you because you're you!
Ch.12 is up if you're interested in the continuation of this date ;)
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:30 (UTC)YES YES smirking is a must,. In fact, it really isn't Sho-san without the smirking x3 Ah, so you like fluff, eh? Duly noted... *smirks*
I want a Sho-san as a boyfriend, too T_T And have him make me toast and try his best to be a great host at his house... <3 Is that really a secret wish? I didn't know that, but now I do. ;)
Ch.12 is up now if you're interested in finding out what happens the rest of the date. Thanks for waiting patiently!!
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:31 (UTC)Looks like you've already read Ch.12, hehe. Let's see where the night takes them, shall we...? ;)
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:32 (UTC)Yup, Ch.12 is ready to read now! Thanks for waiting patiently :)
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:34 (UTC)Ch.12 is ready to read if you're interested in finding out how the date continues. Thanks for waiting patiently :)
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:38 (UTC)I suppose that's the "shoujo manga" aspect. No one can be absolutely perfect, but Sho-san comes pretty damn close ;) I like how he helps Kokoro open up, though. She's feeling a lot more comfortable in her own skin, hehe.
Ch.12 is ready to read if you're interested in how the date continues. And YES! There's a cameo in the next chapter *wink*
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Date: December 6th, 2016 06:41 (UTC)Ch.12 is ready to read if you're interested in finding out how the date continues. There's a cameo, too, so hopefully you'll get a kick out of that, hehe.
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Date: December 7th, 2016 17:37 (UTC)And don't worry dear, you've been doing great! You're succeeding in your goal ;)